It's My Life; Without RegretAffairs are typically an unfortunate by-product, or end result of unfulfilled and unhappy partners; often negatively viewed, however the circumstances of which are so widely varied, and not so readily to be fairly considered. It is my contention that unless you have ever experienced the situation first-hand in any of its three primary roles, you truly lack minimal legitimate basis or cause to judge. However, there will always be those self-righteous individuals whose opinion MUST be heard. That being said, I too have a right to express my perspective.
In our world, our relationship IS NOT second best . . He isn’t ready to leave his child or his marriage at the present time. He has never led me to believe that it would happen quickly. I went in with eyes wide open to the fact that sacrifices are required, and that change will be slow, in his time . . We are two consenting adults, who have mutually chosen these roles . . in doing so we fulfill each other's needs, ones that have been denied otherwise.
Trust me when I tell you I am in no way selfish in my actions, or my attitude . . Our primary priorities lie with our families. Our needs are often negated, in favor of those of others. He contributes what he perceives as necessary to his home life, that exchange is purely between him and his spouse. This scenario existed long before I came into his life. It is my firm belief that what results from less than sincere motives & ideal intentions from the outset of a marriage, is an unhappy one. His wife must be prepared to take responsibility and ownership of her contribution to the demise of the marriage. The spouse IS NOT completely blameless or a victim ! One can't expect to impose their self-centered desires upon another, without consequence. Suffice to say, regardless of me, he fully intends to end his marriage. Period. We are all human, subject to mistakes in judgment that we shouldn't be held eternal prisoner to. We all possess an inherent human need & divine right to seek happiness in our lives. In whatever form it may take.
Our intent is not to cause harm or purposefully hurt anyone.
Then there are those that will say "Why do you settle?" I do understand how being "the one" in someone else's life is an ideal scenario . . but for me, right now, THIS is special. It's special because I have someone who consistently nurtures my emotional and physical needs, without reservation. I don’t expect, nor will I ask him to choose between me and his commitment as a father to a child who requires his presence in more ways than one. That responsibility will diminish with time. I am confident the deep connection and love that we share will endure. There will ultimately arrive a time when we can be exclusive, OUR time to be together legitimately. Until then, he is worth the wait, & what we share is enough. He proves to me time and again by his actions & words that he loves me deeply, cares about me completely, and is consciously striving for a future with me.
This relationship is life-changing. This man has given me more than I ever thought possible. A level of comfort that my heart has not experienced before. All this could change in a minute . . and so, living in the present I fully intend to enjoy all the good that exists, all the moments that I cherish with him . . that I know we deserve, that matter . . both giving our utmost effort to contribute happiness to one another’s existence . . within an imperfect, unconventional arrangement. This is what works & what is best for us. So let the world judge me, I could care less. Excuse me while I follow my heart . .
KattG 46-50, F 20 Responses 16 Feb 16, 2013