Dad Had Dementia At 45

My dad had Vascular dementia when he was 45 as a result of a stroke. the sad thing was, it was a massive blur to me as i was only 8 years old when things started to change. i feel terrible to this day that i couldnt understand it or be part of caring for him. My mom decided he was going to stay and be cared for at home with us. the next 5 years became so intense. i witnessed alot of things happen. its all so fresh still. For people witnessing dementia its so surreal the gradual physical and mental deterioration of a loved one. a nightmare. especially someone with so much character, the humour and the optimism, he was our rock. losing it all and now we had to look after the man who always made us so safe and happy.

i remember being sick and tired of sleepless nights, the aggression, the ******* on the carpet, leaving the house and getting lost, trying to help his cognitive functions with handwriting/spelling lessons...
but i remember how dramatically worse it became when he could no longer speak, dribbling, shaking, crying, screaming, running around the house with a knife, shrinking, flaking pale skin, spontaneous bleeding, bedsores, breaking his ribs from falling down the stairs, cramped up, living just a mere exsistence on the same chair in the living room.
when he went to A&e for the fourth time (last time) it was because he has got pneumonia. two weeks in hospital. My mom spent every night there and me and my sister stayed at home. and then he died after a slow dose of morphine. it was probrably for the best. he was in so much pain. realistically my dad would have probrably wanted to have been killed along time ago if he found out he had dementia. and he probrably would have joked about it.

I was admittedly relieved that there was no lifeless corpse living in the house anymore. perhaps if i was older i would have dealt with it alot worse i really don't know. i don't feel guilty for it because i know that that was not my dad really. the person was being tortured from a horrible desiease and we or any doctor couldnt do anything about it!! it disturbed me thinking that my dad suffered for so long!! my dad's body was there and his brain cells were rotting inside his skull, but his soul had left far before. it had already gone to a better place, and one day i will be reunited with him.

my sister bday 21 april age 18------ My dad died 23rd April------ My birthday 29th april age 13

i always thought this was something he chose to do :) rest in peace between our birthdays. perhaps coinsidence, but i like to think not, xxxxx
doodle1990 doodle1990
18-21, F
Jul 4, 2011