My Mum Has Dementia

My mum was diagnosed in November last year....and is deteriorating faster than l thought she would.
I spose l'm still trying to get my head around it and develop my understanding and knowledge about it so that it can help me cope with the changes that are hapenning within my mums mind.

It is heartbreaking...how do you tell a fiercely independant and intelligent woman that she is losing her memory?? I can't, l don't even know how to begin.

I find myself wishing my father was alive to help, to take my hand and lead me through it all...isn't that what our parents do...l am but a child, their child. But it is not to be...it is me, l am the resposible and capable adult now and must build up and find the strength to make all the heartbreaking decisions for my mums care.

I am posting selfishly so please forgive me but my thoughts are so random and it is far to easy for me to dissolve into tears when my thoughts turn to all that is changing and will be different from this time on. 
I have two younger brothers, the youngest of whom my mother does not have contact with and who does not have much contact with my other brother and l. The second brother has stepped in on occasion to help with mum when she started to become dellusional in November about a situation regarding myself and led us to realise that something wasn't right. He was the one that was able to get her to a doctor and have tests done and the diagnosis made. He has since stepped back since mum and l were ok again.

My story, for the first 35 years of my life l have cared, supported and lived through my mums depression, anxiety and medical issues...the turning point, my having to start looking after myself and my young son and to have a life of my own. Mum became quite stable and her and our lives have been content. Herein becomes my selfishness, my life although as much as possible is my own, it however is now back to being the carer to my mum, the responsibility has yet again fallen to me and for that it is somewhat overwhelming.

As a daughter , you do what you do and l would never begrudge my mother any care, l think what it is, is that l am overwhelmed by the sadness of losing her, she has made me into the strong, independant and capable woman that l am and l am devastated to think that it is only a matter of time before she is lost to me forever.

So much more to write but all so very twisted and tormented in my head...thank you for reading...there will be more when l can sort it out to make more sense.
LeeLass LeeLass
46-50, F
3 Responses Apr 26, 2012

My Mum has Fronto Temporal Dementia. She is nearly 70 and was diagnosed in 2008. Mum has deteriorated really fast and is mute now and has to use a wheelchair, but I think that is because of her Osteoperosis.
My sister and I thought it might be dementia after looking up behaviour Dementia signs, online.
My family and I went through such bad times when mum kept wandering off.
It is nice to share my story and be able to relate.

Thank you for your comment and it did not make me depressed at all...l think l just needed to hear that l was not alone in this all. I know l'm not, it is one of the most prevalent diseases around and is only getting more so due to our aging populations.<br />
I am at the stage where we have to look at putting my mum into fulltime care but even that comes with it's own guilt. <br />
I remember us all joking as a family when we were much younger about who would look after the oldies when they got to that age...seemed so long ago and at that age we never really understood.all the implications.<br />
More random thoughts but which l force myself to stop, today is not the day...

I know how you are feeling. I'm losing my mother to Alzheimer's. I have changed rolls and I'm now the one taking care of her. She was once Independent, and like you there is no way you can explain that you can explain that you are losing your memory and who you are. I have been lucky lately that my mother still knows me, but she wonders in and out from the past to present. She is now in a care center, and I feel guilty that I'm not able to take care of her. At this point she has very little left of life, and like the others there, it seems like they are just waiting for God to take them. There are times when I know I should go visit, but it is so draining, and I love her so much, I hate seeing her in the state she's in and wonder why God doesn't take her to a better place. I hope I haven't depressed you more, but it is so hard to lose our parents to Alzheimer's and it is draining physically and mentally. Hugs!