The House Time ForgotI walked into her house , the first thing I noticed was how dark it was .. all the curtains were drawn shutting off the sunlight.
I looked around and it was as if I had stepped back ten years , everything in the same place it had always been .. in fact
the magazines on the coffee table were probably the same ones ...the once immaculate house was dusty , noticeable cobwebs
hung in the corners where the walls met , and there she was .. tired and alone sitting on their couch.
She smiled , a pale imitation of the brilliant smiles that used to light up the room and the hearts of her family .
She extended her frail hand , so thin now , the skin so wrinkled and delicate like tissue paper , as I took it in mine and bent to kiss
it, I could not help but remember the time , this once beautiful hand , grabbed mine to play , or was responsible for making some of the
best meals a little girl ever ate, or smoothed some cream on the bruises and cuts I was brought to her wearing and now , I was scared
to touch it , afraid it would fall apart to dust in my hands .
I sit down and look at this woman , that turned heads even in her sixties , thinking how she used to walk straight .. fling her hair back
laughing just as loud as her grandchildren ...her eyes rivaling their twinkles.....
Now she sits there, looking around lost , no twinkle in her eyes now..her voice hushed as if she talked to loud ... it would distrupt the
dust ... it would awaken the present to come seek her out in her tomb.
I keep the tears away by sheer force , and form a smile on my lips that does not tremble...I will not feel pity ..this was the woman that
was proud , carefree and I will not feel pity ..not for her ..ever.She begins to talk about "him" .. she says his name as if it is the name
of god.. reverently , in awe .. here her voice changes , it gains strength and life , and a tiny twinkle spark ignites in her two dark
eyes... she speaks of their time together .. the times he said no one was like her , that there love would last forever....
I listen fighting to keep my grief from washing over me and drowning out her words , I want to cover my ears and run .. and scream at
her .. I want to shake her and tell her .. he died but she did not .. I want to show my anger .. and tell her to live .. for me ... I want to
beg her on my knees .. and weep on her .. and tell her ... she is the only family I have that is close to me ... that if she lets herself die
.. I will have no one .. no one that cares.....I want to scream to god and ask him with raised, shaking fist , why did he let me see all
my family go in one way or another .. why not take me away and save me the sight of this ..give me peace ....
But I dont .. I sit there composed and smiling , nodding at the ramblings of an old woman , who has already given up .. with no where
to go .. she lives in her cozy tomb .. rejecting the future , tired of the present , living in the past ...
When she is done with her memories , the sparkle dies , the vacant look creeps in covering the twinkle .. it is too much .. and I get up
and notice all the pictures on the wall.. her and him smiling with all of us surrounding them ... them in their youth as usual him holding
her tight from behind .. him smiling , him talking .. him ..him .. him ...
I put the cake I brought on the dusty table, knowing it wont be eaten .. it will become like the rest of the house .. a forgotten thing ..
swallowed up by dust and ants ... I look up one more time .. and this time notice .. that the pictures are not dusty .. they shine ..
against the dusty wall.. the gleam fresh surrounded by neglect ....
I look back at the old lady ... my hour is up .. she yawns she is tired .. I need to go .. I give her a kiss .. and hug her tightly .. she
doesn't hug me back ..she is too busy staring into the air ..she is gone again
I walk out of the house down to my car and sit inside for a minute .. I look back at the house... and begin to cry .. not slow tears ,,
great hacking sobs .. this was my refuge for so long .. this was my paradise when I was young.. and now ..it is limbo.. it is nowhere ..
there is no refuge to be found ..I have lost more than him .. I realize as I claw at the tears running from my eyes .. anguish and
sadness mingling, choking me .... I start the car .. the road blurry through my tears but I dont care ... I press down on the gas .. I need
to go .. I need distance .. I look in the rear view mirror .. and watch the past get smaller ..
But I know I will be back to visit this stranger . because I love her still... she will look at me vacantly not remembering my name , not
caring ...but I will care .. I will cry , I will grieve again for the lose of her .. though her shell is still there to see to touch ... her shell like a
relic you look at in a museum that gives you a hint of days gone by .. and each time I go .. I will hope against hope .. that she will look
at me for just a moment .. for a second , remember the girl that loved and loves her still ,unconditionally .