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The House Time Forgot

I walked into her house , the first thing I noticed was how dark it was .. all the curtains were drawn shutting off the sunlight.

I looked around and it was as if I had stepped back ten years , everything in the same place it had always been .. in fact

the magazines on the coffee table were probably the same ones ...the once immaculate house was dusty , noticeable cobwebs

hung in the corners where the walls met , and there she was .. tired and alone sitting on their couch.


She smiled , a pale imitation of the brilliant smiles that used to light up the room and the hearts of her family .




She extended her frail hand , so thin now , the skin so wrinkled and delicate like tissue paper , as I took it in mine and bent to kiss

it, I could not help but remember the time , this once beautiful hand , grabbed mine to play , or was responsible for making some of the

best meals a little girl ever ate, or smoothed some cream on the bruises and cuts I was brought to her wearing and now , I was scared

to touch it , afraid it would fall apart to dust in my hands .



I sit down and look at this woman , that turned heads even in her sixties , thinking how she used to walk straight .. fling her hair back

laughing just as loud as her grandchildren ...her eyes rivaling their twinkles.....

Now she sits there, looking around lost , no twinkle in her eyes now..her voice hushed as if she talked to loud ... it would distrupt the

dust ... it would awaken the present to come seek her out in her tomb.



I keep the tears away by sheer force , and form a smile on my lips that does not tremble...I will not feel pity ..this was the woman that

was proud , carefree and I will not feel pity ..not for her ..ever.She begins to talk about "him" .. she says his name as if it is the name

of god.. reverently , in awe .. here her voice changes , it gains strength and life , and a tiny twinkle spark ignites in her two dark

eyes... she speaks of their time together .. the times he said no one was like her , that there love would last forever....



I listen fighting to keep my grief from washing over me and drowning out her words , I want to cover my ears and run .. and scream at

her .. I want to shake her and tell her .. he died but she did not .. I want to show my anger .. and tell her to live .. for me ... I want to

beg her on my knees .. and weep on her .. and tell her ... she is the only family I have that is close to me ... that if she lets herself die

.. I will have no one .. no one that cares.....I want to scream to god and ask him with raised, shaking fist , why did he let me see all

my family go in one way or another .. why not take me away and save me the sight of this ..give me peace ....



But I dont .. I sit there composed and smiling , nodding at the ramblings of an old woman , who has already given up .. with no where

to go .. she lives in her cozy tomb .. rejecting the future , tired of the present , living in the past ...



When she is done with her memories , the sparkle dies , the vacant look creeps in covering the twinkle .. it is too much .. and I get up

and notice all the pictures on the wall.. her and him smiling with all of us surrounding them ... them in their youth as usual him holding

her tight from behind .. him smiling , him talking .. him ..him .. him ...


I put the cake I brought on the dusty table, knowing it wont be eaten .. it will become like the rest of the house .. a forgotten thing ..

swallowed up by dust and ants ... I look up one more time .. and this time notice .. that the pictures are not dusty .. they shine ..

against the dusty wall.. the gleam fresh surrounded by neglect ....



I look back at the old lady ... my hour is up .. she yawns she is tired .. I need to go .. I give her a kiss .. and hug her tightly .. she

doesn't hug me back ..she is too busy staring into the air ..she is gone again



I walk out of the house down to my car and sit inside for a minute .. I look back at the house... and begin to cry .. not slow tears ,,

great hacking sobs .. this was my refuge for so long .. this was my paradise when I was young.. and now ..it is limbo.. it is nowhere ..

there is no refuge to be found ..I have lost more than him .. I realize as I claw at the tears running from my eyes .. anguish and

sadness mingling, choking me .... I start the car .. the road blurry through my tears but I dont care ... I press down on the gas .. I need

to go .. I need distance .. I look in the rear view mirror .. and watch the past get smaller ..




But I know I will be back to visit this stranger . because I love her still... she will look at me vacantly not remembering my name , not

caring ...but I will care .. I will cry , I will grieve again for the lose of her .. though her shell is still there to see to touch ... her shell like a

relic you look at in a museum that gives you a hint of days gone by .. and each time I go .. I will hope against hope .. that she will look

at me for just a moment .. for a second , remember the girl that loved and loves her still ,unconditionally .


softkitti softkitti 22-25, F 30 Responses Jul 27, 2010

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I really appreciate that , this was something near and dear to my heart and took alot out of me to write ... thank you so much for your encouraging comment *hugs*

Wow....wow....wow - incredible!



It seems that most of these comments are an indication of sadness, but I view your story from the perspective of strength. You have refused to let emotion get the best of you in front of someone you deeply care for which is a pure indication of strength where others may have fallen victim.



I'm truly touched by this story and thank you for recommending it - for some reason, I must've missed it! I can very much relate to this story which I'll explain in an email.



Keep up the good fight young lady - your internal strength and power over the situation inspired me!

thank you guy ... no coldness taken my friend =-)

This may sound cold but what impressed me more than the content was the way it was written you should try poetry if you haven't already.

Thank you so much just curious I truly really appreciate what you have said , thank you for your wishes and yes I will not lose hope on her ever but your words helped truly .. thank you again!

I was very touched by your story and writing. While in no way minimizing the reality of dementia and minimizing you pain, I'd like to offer you some hope if possible. A long time ago I worked in a nursing home in the dementia ward. Some of the elderly were just like you described them, so very very lost. However, more than once, we had wonderful examples of how the love that you carry is never truly lost. One particular elderly gentleman who only spoke to me once answered that a girl in a picture was his daughter. I assumed that the girl was the older lady who came to visit and I told her about his only words to me. She got very teary eyed and explained how that girl was the daughter he had lost 40 years ago. Don't lose hope that she indeed loves you and may just not be able to express it. I know that you will mourn that she can't be the same support that she was before, but it sounds like she gave you a tremendous amount of love. Some people never get even that. Try hard to not focus on your grief, but go on to spread love around like she did. It would be a wonderful tribute to her, and may help you in your sadness. God Bless you.

Thank you wiseowl for your comment =-)

Outstanding..seriously loved this

*hugs sam back *

*hugs*

thank you syan I am glad you liked it =-)

Wow, what a beautifully written, powerful and sad story..

Everyone has tried to do just that .. she loses it if anything is touched .. though I sneak and clean when I can...the dust in my story was more , how I see the house .... a forgotten domain..*sighs* =-(

thank you morning star .. thank you so much ..yes the memories are a comfort *hugs*

I am truly sorry. I know my words are meaningless in expressing the sadness for your grandmother. You have the cherished memories of her from your youth. She will always be in your heart.

*runs to Star and hugs her* thank you darling .. life can be stunningly cruel.. I feel at times I have already lost her but she is still there .. so i grieve every week when I go .. but I will go .. I wont forget her .. in my childhood ,she was there to give me the few moments joy I had .. I cannot forsake her .. though .. I feel guilty to admit .. it is tempting .. just so I wont hurt .. no?.. Thank you chica ..love you girl....





aww destry *runs and hugs destry * I am sorry I made you sad .. lets not be sad .. I will cheer you up shall I sing for you sweet destry .. that will either .. kill you or make you laugh =-D

*runs to Kitti and holds on tight* Oh honey, I understand that feeling: although in a different way--that fear of losing the last person who has truly been "family". Watching someone teeter between being here and being gone is agonizing, esp. when they are all you've got.



Oh nina, mi heart is breaking from reading your story--but know that you can always, ALWAYS talk to me when you feel scared or frustrated, or just need someone to listen. Always!

Yes sweet geetar.. it saddens me .. but as long as there is life there is hope .. maybe one day I will get her back if only for a few minutes no?... thank you for your comment darling=-)

Very sad Softkitti.

Thank you movie viewr .. *sighs* each time I go a feel a bit of me get chipped away to dust , but not going to see her is just not an option... but I must admit it felt good to finally get this out of me .. *hugs*

Very well written. I felt as if I were going through this myself. I am sorry for your sadness. It is very difficult to go through. Thank you for sharing this.

red sonja thank you , you are blessed to have your mom that way . even though she is home.. I truly hope the trip to the beach brings up wonderful memeries for your mom ..and the two of you bond ... thank you for commenting =-)



*sighs* thank you scribs I hope so too ... though I doubt it ..thanks for your comment ..=-)

That is really really Sad,Sweetie.....i hope she's get back to herself at least for the sake of love you have for her in you..

This story reminds me of my mother whom is in a nursing home now because she can not care for herself. I love you mom.....



I visit her a lot. But I know its not home. I wish I could have her living again with me. Its hard being an only child and married with kids and a job. I try hard to do as much as I can and feel that, that is still not enough. I am planning a trip down the coast to Myrtle Beach so she can remember when she was young and free. I really enjoyed your story.



thanks,

Thank you red... it actually feels cathartic .to get it out in this venue... people like you who care make it feels even better .. thank you red you are always there to give this little kitti some warmth when she needs it .. I thank you darling .. *hugs red tight*

Oh Kitti! This is one of the most touching stories I have ever read!. I'm so sorry you have suffered such loss and have to relive it as you do. *hugs*

hmm yes .. it felt suffocating .. *sighs* .. =-(

not sure how i feel towards this...its suffocating...

*hugs evernight * thank you darling .. I really appreciate ep and my epers bearing with me when I have sadness to share ... thank you darling



sunshine I am sorry I made you sad ..but I am comforted that you read it and felt my feeling .. thank you for reaching out and commenting *hugs*=-)

That is so sad kitti, i can feel your sadness so strongly *big hug and hold you tightly*



I don't really know what to say..... except, no matter what, you have your friends to support you.