A Problem With Mom

Though I do not remember it, at the age of two my single mother gave my two sisters and me away to the county because she no longer wanted us. Fortunately for us, my grandma worked with human services and she took me and one of my sisters to live with her (the other was adopted, but that is another story!). My grandma raised me until I was the age of ten in which my mother came back and took me and my sister to live with her in another part of town. During the time that I was at my grandmas house, my mom was in and out of the mental hospital. I did not understand why she would leave me so often just to come back to my grandmas house to love me, then leave again.

It wasn't until I was a bit older that I learned that my mom suffers from Bipolar/paranoia-schizophrenia. She constantly thinks that people are out to get her from the many voices in her head and that the government is listening in on our house to try and catch her. She even kicked my sister out of the house a few years ago because she thought she was working with the government. I've been living with my mother for seven years now and slowly, she has been making positive progress in her mental health (though she still has a long way to go!). Her last visit to the mental hospital was about five months ago after she accused me of tapping her radio with a microphone and trying to kill herself in my bathroom one morning before I went to school.

Even though I am now seventeen and have lived through several painful experiences of my mom being carted off to the hospital because she had another mental breakdown, it never seems to get any easier. In fact, the older I get, the harder it is to except it. I fear for the end of the school year when I will have to move out for college, leaving my mother alone with just her thoughts. I hate facing the idea of her being alone but I know that time never stops, and that I have to make a decision on what to do.
rayjoy rayjoy
18-21, F
15 Responses Oct 10, 2012

Hey you:-) its Jason from Omegle. That's tough.... I know where your coming from in a sense... Remember our conversation, keep your dreams in focus, stick with your college decisions and if your passionate about them and believe in yourself you'll make it out of dodge alright. ;-) Hang in there Kiddo!! :-) you have lots of support- including me:-)

thanks jason!! i apprieciate the comment and that you went through with your word and found my story! :) you are a good guy!

This is so tragic...at a loss for words...

I have a cousin who is in a group home in Chicago. He loves it there, he is safe, they give him a job, he has friends, a social live, and he is happy. That would be an answer for you. You are suffering from guilt already, and pls don't push her on your grandmother, life is too short to be stressed all your life. A group home would keep her safe, you can see her whenever you want , and you and your grandmother can go on with you lives. You won't resent her later, and might even enjoy being with her more if she had her own place. Talk to her dr to find a group home. Good luck, but don't stop your life because she is sick. Its not your fault. And she does love you, the best way she can....Dont let anyone say she doesn't love you. She left because she was sick, sometimes you have to make a choice she knew you would not be safe with her, it was in your best interest, but she was sick, so love her, but love her enough to make a life for yourself. A group home would help everyone involved. Good luck

My mom was never diagnosed, but she sure needed to be. She would say the neighbors were widening the slats in the privacy fence every time we left so they could watch us through them, she would use clothespins to hold all the curtains together so we could never open the curtains in the house because "people" might be watching. If a tv channel didn't come in well, one of the neighbors were 'stealing' it. When our next door neighbors put up a new garage, she swore up and down that they tunneled under our driveway and hooked into our water and electrical lines and that we were paying for their usage. She thought that employees at the store used the batteries up, then resealed them and sold you the used up ones.She always felt that somone was watching, stealing, ripping her off or messing with the things she bought from the store. She accused my father of having affairs he never had, of having millions stowed away in secret bank accounts, she accused me of having sex with every boy in the neighborhood. if you didn't go along with her crazy stories, she became violently angry. So, at least your mom goes and gets some help. My mom only got help the last two months she was in hospice care when she piled up all the pots and pans and furniture in front of her door and refused to let me or the hospice nurse into her apartment because we were 'poisoning' her food. *sigh*. The doctor put her on Prozac and in a week and a half, it was like magic! All her "crazy talk" was gone- she even talked warmly about my dad,not mentioning the non-existent secret bank account or imaginary woman he had never had affairs with. so, even though it might be scary, I think your mom is in pretty good hands having no problems seeing a mental health professional. i would suggest getting in touch with whoever they are and letting them know you will be leaving and they can set up someone who will come by and check on her. You have to live your life and not let it be limited by your mom's unfortunate circumstances. After college, perhaps you will be in a position to live with your mother once again if she needs it. She might not. But you need to take care of your education- that will affect YOUR entire life. The doctor or social worker can help set up any paperwork necessary to have your mom admitted from long distance or anything like that. best of luck to you!

wow, im so sorry that all that happened, and i can honestly say I understand how all that feels. And as of now, my grandmother and sister have been having some problems which i fear will cause my mom to relapse and go back into the hospital. Thanks for your all your advice though, and good luck with your mom as well!

She sounds like she needs to live in a group home where she can be supervised. I used to work in one and the clients recieved good care and supervision.

You don't say if your mother is on medication------My mother had the same promblem and was put on "LITHIUM" pills.Had to go for blood test about once a month---but the pills helped (as long as we made sure she took them) greatly----you and your grandmother should talk to her doctor;good luck in school.

thanks. she does take medication and we try and keep her on track, but she just stops taking them sometimes, believeing that we are trying to trick her into something... but im not sure of the name of her pills (there are at least 4 different types)

Well;maybe it's time for some( "tough love") or intervention;so you and your family can get on with your lives'! It isn't easy;but you are only 16 and should not be expected to give up your hopes and dreams for the sake of someone who appears not to care for HER children and their future!! Sorry to be so blunt;but if you give up your own life That would do no one any good!

she cares now, and i think she tries..... i just cant bring myself to give up on her... no matter what she puts me through, shes still my mom and i owe it to her to stick by her..... thats why i dont know what to do :(

Ignore the NASTY people on here as I expect they have issues of their own. Both my parents had mental health problems so I know just how extremely manipulative they can be. Rake up any support you can from family, friends or if possible a counsellor.
It is not your fault: you deserve your own life. I just enabled my family to make use of me because I am a guilt ridden people pleaser.
I ended up middle aged and alone until by a quirk of fate I met (again) my husband! I was very lucky. Give your time to people who put you first, something people with Psychosis are just not able to do. XXXX Good luck sweetheart, and keep strong.

Who the hell would share her mother's illness through a blog, if she's not mentally sick? Who the hell knows you are 16 and telling the truth? Did you poison your mother?

Well you are NOT the judge in spite of your name, which clearly shows you would like to be!! The question is WHY!!
This reply is to you and love cheater, below, who sound, both of you, nasty, despicable and unintelligent individuals.
Who the hell do you think you are coming on here like this and lambasting a sixteen year old boy who has the courage to put his thoughts in writing? -- a relief and a release for him no doubt, and, if you doubt HIS story, then why not go the whole hog and DOUBT EVERYONE`S STORY, ??
THIS in case it has escaped your notice is a website called " Experience Project" and that`s precisely what it`s for, for the world to share and talk about their experiences, and many are often painful ones, you don`t get many happy ones on here, just the sad, the deep, meaningful and life changing ones.
People come on here for release of their emotions, and to offer hope to other people by SHARING their experiences, what we DON`T need is 2 critical, nasty people who haven`t got anything worthwile to say, l`m surprised your nasty comments were even published!

thanks so much almeda11!!! i appreciate you sticking up for me like that!!.... but im a girl, js :)

It is you who are mentally sick, judging from your writing. CAMH is the best place to seek help! You will cause more harm to your mother and other victims, if you don't seek treatment immediately.

what? i don't understand why you think i need mental help or that i might cause harm....? what?

Please you get people who say really hurtfull things here but don't let that put you off. Most of the others are really great and supportive. Who would ever say such things to a young lady who is seeking help and support needs help themselves. Please ignore loveCheaters somment and carry on being just who you are.
I wish you all the best and pray God directs you in the path that would be best for you in your future.

LoveCheater; You need not judge anyone, since you are not perfect ... keep your rude comments to yourself and grow up. If you have nothing positive to say, then refrain from looking ignorant to the rest of the world and yourself. Get some decency!!

Maybe your grandmother will help look after her so you can have peace of mind while you pursue your future? While I agree that you need to go ahead with your life, I also understand all too well the guilt associated with leaving a mentally ill person to fend for themselves. I was married to a man who I loved dearly while he developed paranoid schizophrenia. I was very young, didn't understand what was happening, and just lived in denial hoping he'd get through it. It just got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore and I was getting scared. So, I left him. It was the hardest decision I ever made, and I felt awful about it for many years. He had his family to take care of him, so that was a blessing.

And it sounds like your grandmother is a pretty responsible person who may be well educated about mental illness - and this is her daughter! I can't imagine how painful it must be for her to watch your mother's illness take it's toll. You sound like a very smart young lady with a lot of compassion and the world needs people like you! You may do your mother more good by getting a good education and following your heart. Know that what happens with your mother is so not your fault, and even if you are living with her she will still do what she believes she should do. You can't stop the voices in her head by being there - you know that.

thank you so much. I helps to know that there are others out there that knows the kind of situation that i am in. thanks for your advice! :)

Wow you are so young to have to go through such an experience. You sound strong though.
Keep on keeping on and keep positive, loving, people in your life.

You need to sort YOUR life out first! Even though we love our parents and family it is not always our responsibility to heal them. If you end up wasting your life because of taking care of your mother then you will have been of no use to yourself or your mother. That is why there is mental health to be able to help you with those things. I cannot imagine being in your position but at this point I think you need to do what is best for you first then you will be capable to take care of the other things in your life. It sounds as though you have had a battle all your life.............whatever you do don't give up!!! you are going to make it!!

dont let that stop you from going to college.. i know you feel like you have to help your mother.. and its a nice thing wanting to put your life aside to help her.. but a day will come when there is only so much you can do.. you have to make sure you take care of yourself first before you can take care of your mother..

So sorry to hear what you have had to deal with. I could not imagine having to deal with that. From about when I was 11 to 15 my mom had a really bad drug problem. I hated it and missed out on a lot with her. Thats probably why were not close today. Eventually jesus gave her the strength to quit. My point being we all go thru things that are bad sometimes and it makes us stronger. My pastor told me before god can use you greatly he allows u to be hurt deeply. Meaning you are a strong brave young woman and jesus has great things for you. Im praying for u and your mother and wish u the best. God bless you.

thank you so much. i know that god is there and he will guide me in the right path... its just hard to wait for the answer to come!

God Bless you for sharing. It seems that you have been a grown up too soon, with grown up responsibilities. When I read your story and noticed your age being 16, I was shocked. You are a child, live your life, because your teenage years will pass so quickly. You cannot take them back. Your mom's focus is staying on her medication, and receiving as much help as possible to remain "stable". I want you to share what it is that you want for your life. What kind of goals do you have for you? You are special; you are important, and I would love to hear from you about what your plans are for you!! XXX Hugs

well i want to go to a four year univeristy for either radiology or psychology, though i may settle for a local community college to both save money and stay close to mom :) im still unsure though... but thank s for your helpful comment, it means alot to me that there are people out there that care <3

I do care about you and I'm so proud that you've picked wonderful courses to study. Ignore the ignorant, negative people. I think you are a blessing and God has a wonderful plan for you. I give you praise for being who you are and what you've been through. I believe you will be able to help someone else who's been where you've been. You are young and if you stay focused on what you want, anything is possible. I heard a saying and it goes like this; "You are able to rise above the ashes of your life ...anything is possible!". Again, I send you strength and courage to become the best you can be! Hugs and support always ...XXXX

Thank you so much. You're a very kind person :)