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Personal Influence - Unfinished College Essay

         Growing up with a single mother that is mentally disabled has lead to a lot of adversities. Because she suffers from bipolar and paranoid/schizophrenia, the challenges that my mom has made me endure throughout my life has had a significant influence on me. Under the impact of her sickness, I have developed into a flexible and understanding person, who knows how to take charge in times of trouble.
          When I was younger, my mother was often rushed away by the police into the mental hospital. She was often gone for weeks and months at a time, leaving me under the supervision of my grandmother or a family friend. I was constantly having to readjust to my surroundings, in order to cope with her absence. As I continued to grow up, the ability to become flexible and handle sudden change while enduring new surroundings was slowly developed. This ability to adapt to change has helped me to make more qualified decisions under harsh deadlines.
            During the times that my mother is having a paranoid episode, she is usually problematic to get along with. Many times she has accused me of vandalizing her things and coinciding with the government, though it is part of her illness and is all in her mind. Through years of witnessing her mental breakdowns, it has become obvious that she can not control her behavior. This has fostered compassion and understanding in me, toward people who suffer from debilitating illnesses. I now have more patience and understand in the reasons behind what caused people to act the way they do.
             The times that my mother is home, and not away at a mental institution, she often can not take care of the daily needs of the household. During her episodes, she is unable to complete simple tasks, such as attending school functions or grocery shopping, because she has an irrational fear of people and public places. This has caused me to have to step up and take control of my family. The experiences of doing the family grocery shopping and handling the family’s finances alone, has shaped me into a take charge leader.
rayjoy rayjoy 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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sounds good. but perhaps you could detail a bit more about yourself. perhaps spice it up with some imagery.

okay, how would I do that?

detail more about the difficulties you experienced and the emotions you felt and perhaps tie that in with how it molded you into a take charge leader.

okay, i'll try that, thanks!

Any advice for the conclusion or for the paper as a whole??

Well I'll add some thoughts.
There is a bit of grammatical error

1st paragraph
-I believe it may be paranoia not paranoid since you are referring to it as the disease.
-"The challenge my mom has made me endure" I know what you are trying to say, but it could be misinterpreted as putting blame on her, not a good way to open. I would somehow reword it.
-" flexible and understanding person, who knows" remove that comma in my opinion, its not required and kind of breaks the flow. The key I use is I comma where I would pause when saying the sentence aloud. Would you say I'm a flexible and understanding person (pause) who knows? or I'm a flexible and understanding person who knows?

-I haven't finished the rest of your esssay

I didn't think of that, thank you so much!

2nd paragraph

-Police or EMT (medical personnel)
-"She was often gone for weeks and months at a time" - personally would remove often as you just used that word in the sentence prior. I avoid repeating the same descriptive words constantly when writing essays.
-"I was constantly having to readjust to my surroundings, in order to cope with her absence" - would remove having and just say readjusting
-" As I continued to grow up, the ability to become flexible and handle sudden change while enduring new surroundings was slowly developed" - again I understand what you mean, but it should be reworded. In this case the idea flow is just a little confusing, particularly "was slowly developed' - maybe "As I matured........ new surroundings continued to develop"
-"This ability to adapt to change has helped me to make more qualified decisions under harsh deadlines." - would remove "to change" adapt is fine by itself. The piece about "harsh deadlines" is subjective because it is work related, and moreso its not a life experience where you can justify what is harsh.
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thanks! you were very helpful! :)

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