I'd like to say a bit about myself before I begin. My name is Dante and I'm 17 years old, turning 18 soon. Because I've grown up with things like movies, video games, books, tv, and most of all the internet, I've never really been comfortable having a conversation with somebody face-to-face. The only time my mom or grandparents would speak to me was when I really needed things, and I love them for that, but needless to say I still felt lonely. I've only ever had a few friends before high school, and I was okay with that, but it was like even the close ones just disappeared. I've felt numb, depressed, and sad for years. Only my close friends know this is how I felt. My mom would get angry because I would only really ever speak to her when she spoke to me, and even then I remained quiet. I communicated mainly through use of Internet chat rooms and social media sites with strangers or people from school. Like the majority of people, I've been attracted to the opposite sex, but being unable to communicate verbally, I tried what I would be good at, which is writing. So I wrote poems for a few girls over the course of my life. Pretty much all attempts failed, naturally, except for one. She went out with me for a week in middle school (grade 7 for people in different countries). That was the one that hurt the most. After that week, she broke up with me, which I thought was fine seeing as how we didn't talk much or really have anything in common. She hurt me the most. She said that my poems made her laugh and that broke me. I don't think I've been the same ever since, and I hate myself for it. The one thing I was good at, and people call it "lame", "gay", or "stupid". I don't feel as though I can be in a relationship ever again because of the pain I went through, and I feel as though I'll just never be good enough. I'm sorry this story was so long, but I thank anyone or everyone who really took the time to read it. Thank you
Sinfool13 Sinfool13
18-21, M
3 Responses Aug 18, 2014

I understand how you feel. It hurts when people laugh at those outlets that we have where we feel that we can truly express ourselves without judgement. The only help that I ever saw in it is in being aware that they WEREN'T aware of how important that outlet means to us.

Don't beat yourself up, I would love to read that poem you wrote please post. That girl sounds selfish and childish it's a good reason not to be with her and or even have feelings for that *****. You deserve better and save that poem and give it to someone that really deserves it. Your still young and you have a lot to go through and learn from. Your freeing sad and hopeless, I know I've been there more than once. But you have to realize it will pass and you will have more girls there waiting. Finale note don't ever contact or have that ***** try and contact you. She's a negative person and you shouldn't even think about being around that. AND remember, your not alone :)

She's still a friend of mine and I know she was just being honest, but my heart was still torn asunder. I don't have the poem anymore because I gave it to her. She told me that her mom found them and hid them just so that my friend couldn't throw them out or anything. The post I just made actually brought up a lot of bad memories and I've been crying for a while, which is unusual. I pretty much NEVER cry. Thank you for caring :)

Friends don't do that to friends. Crying is good, it actually heals me when I do. But again don't beat yourself up for nothing. If your still gonna keep this girl in your life then keep your distance and let her know that she broke your heart.

I have

You sound so similar to me. It's pretty astonishing. if you need any advice message me any time ☺️. Just know that life doesn't just stop after one girl.