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My Loss Feels Like It Will Never End...

Six months ago, I met someone else.

I wasn't interested in any kind of relationship.

He was not going to be my "rebound" replacement guy.

I only wanted someone to spend time with.

I was just so lonely and missed my husband so much.

I never expected to have any real feelings.

Despite my best efforts, I have come to care very deeply about this guy. In fact, I'm pretty sure I love him.

Tonight, I feel so guilty.

He has been so understanding of my feelings for my late husband. He is so kind and caring and loving.

The problem is that tomorrow would be my late husband's birthday. It has been a difficult day for me right from the start, but I honestly thought, now that I have this really great guy, it would be easier this year.

It isn't.

I have spent my whole day just this close to tears, and, in fact, tonight, I visited the tribute page I made for him and listened to all the songs there until the tears started flowing.

Now I still feel just as sad, but I also feel guilty because this very sweet man loves me so much, and I am sitting here grieving for the man I loved so much for so many years.

He thinks it's all due to other events and stresses from the day that I have been so moody and down, and he feels bad that he can't make things better for me, and I think he also feels a bit guilty that he may have done something to make me feel this way.

My husband is gone. I need to move on. I have another special man in my life, and I never thought I would have that.

I should be happy.

Why am I missing him so very much tonight?
teagranny teagranny 51-55, F 1 Response Feb 18, 2011

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You loved a man very much with all your heart and soul.



He died. There is not much more tragic and devastating than this.



No matter what happens from that day forward, you will always love this man and think of him with warmth and sadness and sometimes utter heartbreak. How could you not?



Things will remind you of him, scents will catch you off guard, songs in supermarkets will bring you to tears. This is all very natural and nothing to feel badly about or put an expiration date on,



Your new love sounds like a compassionate, wonderful man. Surely he understands this and your angst about thinking there is a statute of limitations on grief is more upsetting than anything. Let yourself feel, talk to others who have lost a spouse, or read books about the subject on those tough days. And maybe even include your new man in memorial rituals you create on special days. I've heard of men who bless the ashes of the first husband every night for taking such good care of their sweet wife.



Take care of your memories and your heart and in time you will feel more comfortable with your experiences of grief and rebirth. It takes time and acceptance - be gentle with yourself.