Hollow InsideI've always been depressed since i was a little kid
but it got worst the beginning of summer 2011
i started feeling hollow and empty and spiritually lost and abandoned
it felt like i couldn't feel my body and anything said to me especially spiritual
was just like a gust of wind going past my body.
i felt like i didn't exist and that i wasn't real
i felt the world wasn't real and started dissociating with the world around me
now i can't get out of this rut that that's been here forever but it just keeps getting worse and worse
it feels like gods abandoned me and forgotten about me and it hurts and i feel hurt by god but
is that even possible. i hear God is perfect and that he doesn't make mistakes but i feel deeply wounded
and i wonder why God let such bad things happen to me in my life time and if things will ever get better
or if I'll experience hell on earth and hell after life. I can barely stand anymore the pain is so bad.
I cut myself frequently for a release but i have so many scars that there is almost no more room for
cutting anymore. I'm afraid and i have this unsettling uncomfortable angry/hurt feeling in the pit of my stomach.
i want comfort and love and peace and grace and joy but i just feel scared of everything and everyone including my
own family who has always been very loving towards me.
I can't find any peace wherever i go.
i feel trapped and like i'm screaming so loudly inside but no one hears me.
i don't know what to do anymore.