Register

I Have a Scar On My Heart

It Still Hurts And It'S Been Six Months

By: LightUpMyWorld
Written on February 13th, 2013

Why does it still feel so painful? We have been broken up for about six months already and it still feels as if it was just yesterday. I can't take it anymore. I want to rip out the pain. I hate feeling so vulnerable. I hate dedicating most of my day to thinking about him. It sucks!
He has a new girl and the worst thing is that she is my coworker. After she found out that she is dating my ex, instead of putting some distance between her and I, she actually looks for me and tries to have conversations with me. It's as if she is trying to get to know me better. Why is she doing this?
Around this time last year we met. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.
I know what people will say is you can do better, give it time, he doesn't deserve you, you are too good for him, you will find someone who truly loves you, etc. But why if all this is true must I feel this pain that consumes me and knocks me down to my knees? I wish the pain was physical and that you could cure it with medicine, but it is not. He is hurting my thoughts, my ideas, my memories, he is in my head.
How much longer will it take to rip him out of my life completely!!!!!!!!! I want to stop crying over him and hate him instead.
Is anyone going through the same thing? Message me if you are... :(
He asked me to move in with him and I said no and I think about that decision every day of my life. If I didn't want the life he was offering me and all the things he had done to me invaded my head when I was with him I should be able to let him go, right? Then why can't I? I am sad, frustrated, hurt. What if I made the wrong decision. My parents hate him and I know what he did to me was something he shouldn't have done, but he regret it and asked for my hand and I said no. Why does this haunt me. He is happy with someone else now. I need to let it go, but someone tell me how?
Please. Does anyone have the answer to this. I guess they were right to say we hurt as hard as we love. 
By: LightUpMyWorld
Age: 18-21 , Female
59 people have read this story

Your Response

Please respond with authenticity, support, and respect
By clicking "Post", you confirm that you agree to the Terms of Service of Experience Project, Inc.
5 responses
  • Alanda510
    Alanda510

    I'm so sorry this a****** was so mean to you. Nobody deserves that. And I'm sure it's not helping you move on by having a constant reminder in your face everyday. I agree with luminescentdanger, try to find things that made you happy before him because believe it or not, is was that happy energy that attracted him to you in the first place. If you bring it back, I'm sure you'll attract someone 10x better than him. Good luck ((HUGS)).

    Feb 14
    2 likes
    • LightUpMyWorld
      LightUpMyWorld

      Thanks so much! I'm trying really hard to do that, and although I feel like quitting sometimes I keep going. I hope I do attract someone 10x better, it would sure help me move on from the nightmare my ex was. Thanks again for taking your time and reading my story!

      Feb 16
      1 like
  • luminescentdanger
    luminescentdanger

    I've dealt with that before. Its a horrible feeling that just doesn't seem to go away, right? Honestly, I was in literally the exact same situation. My ex did horrible things to me and my family hates me, but a year later, he apologizes and says he's sorry and that he'd move back here and take me back in a heartbeat.

    I know how hard it is. But you should try and find things that make you happy. What made you happy before you were with him? Perhaps you had a hobby you loved? Or maybe you enjoy hanging out with friends? Do anything you can to get your mind off of him. And if you do something that triggers memories, stop what you're doing and move onto something else right away.

    Have you been in a relationship since you were with him? Again, it may seem difficult, but it helps. My first ex... I gave my whole heart to him, unaware he'd destroy it so much, so soon, so many times... Over time, after we had no communication for six months, I was okay. I got a girlfriend (two, actually) and I fell in love with one of them. I forgot about my ex-boyfriend and I felt so great. When I had unfortunately (and stupidly) broken up with my girlfriend, and started talking to my ex-bf again, I started feeling a bit more like I loved him again.

    I forced myself to hate him. We dated again twice after the 6-month-departure, but then I ended it for good. We've spoken on and off but you know what? My ex is an *******. He's done absolutely horrible things to me (including sexual assault) and nobody can change that. He destroys my life even more when he's in it, so I cut off communication again, despite how much it hurt him. I destroyed everything I wrote/drew about him, and I put the rings he gave me away in a "Never Take These Objects Out Ever Again" box.

    I learned to move on. I learned to love others.

    Forget what he's done to you; forget how he once made you feel. Do what you can and go for someone else. A new boyfriend (or girlfriend). Do whatever makes you truly happy.

    Love never dies.

    But it can surely be forgotten and replaced.


    I wish you the best of luck. Maybe, just maybe, you'll find a sweet, loving Valentine tomorrow.

    Feb 13
    2 likes
    • LightUpMyWorld
      LightUpMyWorld

      Thank you so much for taking your time to write this. It truly helped and It makes me feel better knowing i'm not the only one. It's hard for me to get into another relationship, but I know you're right and I should give someone else an opportunity. I'm sorry to hear that ******* hurt you so bad. But, hey, karma is a ***** and he will pay for what he did. It helps me hear that it is possible to move on and I will try my best.
      Thank you for the advice and I wish you the best of luck too on this Valentine's Day.

      Feb 14
      1 like
    • luminescentdanger
      luminescentdanger

      You are most welcome; I'm glad it helped, even if just a little.
      Yes, karma really is a *****. When he was still around, I'd observe the bad things that happened to him and wondered if that was karma itself.

      Again, you're welcome ^^ and thanks in return~

      Feb 14
      1 like