Scars And Life

Anyone of you who has the same experiences with me; the same thoughts and feelings about life? I know it's crazy to talk about this but I am really concerned about my physical flaws like scars, deformation, disabilities, etc. I have 4 scars that I'm very concerned about and they had changed the way I think with my life and my future. One scar in my leg is quite big and visible caused by a bottle of beer exploded near in my leg. It happened when I was about 7 years old. It was due to my clumsiness. I cannot wear shorts because of that scar. I really dare not. When circumstances require me to wear shorts-- I behave like a fool trying to have a position that will not expose the scar. The worst thing is that it adds up to my insecurities.

Another one is in my arm. It just tiny but I'm still concerned about it because I'm a kind of perfectionist and love to have a nice and fair skin. That is why, I wear a watch in order to somehow hide it. I got it when I'm still 13 years old. The other two is in my face-- one in my cheek I got from a cat scratch when I was 8 years old and the other one in the center of my forehead. The other one in my forehead is the worst in my case because I got extremely conscious about it. I got it when I was about 1 year old. I don't know what really happened back then. It's not a kind of deformity but it forms like a small hole but I really got very conscious about it. I had it repaired surgically but I'm still not satisfied with its appearance.

These scars are really a kind of ruining my life. ( I don't know if the scars are really the problem or it is just me who is very serious on small things.) I just can't simply accept them. They affect my confidence and self-esteem though I'm a kind of bright person.

I know scars are just nothing. They are just marks signifying how delicate our skins are. But I really can't stand the psychological and emotional effects brought by them in my life. I thought that maybe if haven't them I could maximize my abilities and develop more my social skills. But I'm a kind of doubting myself in terms especially of developing my social skills. I just can't show my scars and hang out with friends. I'm a kind of dreading showing them even to my close friends.

I know that people will not look on your personality based on your scars and other flaws. (I bet the scars will also affect your personality and behaviour.) But I really don't know how to accept them as part of me. Maybe I just lack love to myself and my uniqueness. There are times that I'm comparing myself to others especially those who have very nice skin-- don't have scars and feel very confident about themselves, more happy and more peaceful. I even think that I will be socially impaired and will not be successful in my career. I'm a kind of grudgingly regretting about my scars because I could have maximized more my life if I don't have them. I'm a kind of very perfectionist and sets up high ideals to myself.

I sometime think that my future girlfriend will not be comfortable being around with me because of my scars (which is totally pathetic LOL!) I know all these thoughts are really irrational and just sucks up my energy. But anyway I struggle not to focus on my scars and live my life thinking that I'm perfectly healthy and normal. But there are times that my mind tend to really push me to again obsess about my scars. My mind is a kind of telling me that I should do something to improve them because there is still time.

Anyway, I just posted all it here. Those are just my mind states at this particular time. There are times that I feel really confident about myself. Furthermore, my surgeon said that my problems are purely psychological. He said that there are even worse than me who are not whining about there flaws and are feeling normal. Maybe I could blame the society at large and those selfish businessmen who always promote their beauty products. It is very clear that the society nowadays are always emphasizing that external beauty is something one must possess in order to have a great and happy life. But that's a misconception, right?

I'm still on my teens and I tend to set high ideals on myself. That is probably why I tend to be depressed about my scars and I always worry about my future success because of my scars.

Does anyone of you here who has the same thoughts with me?
Volcom23 Volcom23
18-21, M
3 Responses Jul 22, 2010

What you write is so self-aware, honest, sensitive and realistic, congratulations. It's great, and means you'll be able to benefit from and help others with these qualities. But they are probably (as you are aware) also part of your problem. And hey, you're not alone, as you also describe me and my personality and history to a T. <br />
Thanks for writing all this - I think it will help you, me and others to feel less alone with our fears and obsessions, unnecessary as they are. I'm nearly 65 and the years have really given me growing confidence to "own" my self and my life story, appreciate the miracle our human life and body are, and grow towards the freedom to enjoy (e.g.) what summer and the beach have for me. Like you, I love them.<br />
What's helped me?<br />
Our inner struggles are our own, but writing and sharing stories here on EP and elsewhere has helped me a lot. I wish the internet had been available to me years ago! The self-therapy and the networking are two of the biggest plusses. <br />
Via the internet I've become aware of the freedom others enjoy who think less or not at all about their scars and disabilities. Some even seem to forget about their scar until they get a question - and then they handle this with humour instead of a racing heart! Wow, envy! I could never be like these folk, and nobody expects this, but they do make me want to become more like them.<br />
Others ARE often curious about our scars so we have to manage their looks and queries. But NOBODY thinks less of us because of our physical damage. So what?<br />
So, like many, I decided years ago to "out" myself - it took clenched teeth at first but I love it now. This hasn't taken away much of my obsession and there's some PTSD damage from my surgery and the way my parents handled my dawn of self-awareness. So I'm still much the same inside, but God's grace allows me to accept myself as I am, inside as well as out.<br />
Best wishes!

It could be worse. I have many scars. But I am older than you. I have one under my lip. 4-5 small ones on my hands. I have one little one on my chest. I have 2 on my tummy from surgery. Then I have tons of stretch marks that really are just scars. What you are talking about is really nothen. Try not to think about it so much.

I only have a very small scar - it isn't something that alters how I feel about myself, so no, I cant say I have the same thoughts as you -- though I strongly doubt you are alone. How you feel about your apperance sounds like how I feel about my weight sometimes. Im a bit overweight, but nothing out of the ordinary - I still look nice and I have a boyfriend who worships my body. But sometimes, yes, when I think Im less of a person and no one will like me or want to know me because of how I look. AND yes, it is silly -- because as you said, anyone worth their salt wont give a damn.<br />
Insecurities are hard to break, but I think you can get through. Maybe talk to a counsellor if its having an impact on your everyday life? Just to try to remember that you are more than just what you look like. Best of luck!