I Have a Scar On My Face

I know very well how hard to live with a scar cause I already have one on my face . I have had it since my early childhood and it just turned my life into hell.  What makes my life hopeless too is that I have been suffering this all along on my own. Both my parents have passed away since I was young and nobody can feel how I AM STRUGGLING depression every single day just to survive. I am trying to ignore the feeling of insignificance and loneliness that I have deep inside.It is just too hard to do it. You wake up every day and you wish you didn't cause you don't wanna go outside. so  YOU just stay inside and then you start the battle with your own deadly feelings,IT IS HELL!!!

Now I am 20 and I NEVER had a boyfriend. I AM JUST UNWANTED and this makes me feel torn up inside  cause I love someone and he knew it somehow ( I always hide my feelings lest I can't help the hurt) but he keeps ignoring me . I know this love is hopeless. He will never think of me me no matter what I do and  even if he accepts my love I am not so selfish to accept to destroy his life and let him sacrifice himself to a beast like me cause everyone wants to be with someone "nice-looking" but I can't stop dreaming of him every night and wishing that he was mine.

I am feeling a great relief to be able to share the permanent pain I go through every day and be heard once in my lifetime thanks for this opportunity ( sorry for my poor english)

CrowBLACK CrowBLACK
18-21, F
5 Responses Mar 24, 2009

That does not matter at all. Don't feel you need to reply to me - just try to, step by step and little by little, 'reply to life', and that will be the best result ever! Believe in You! From my heart, I wish you lots of beautiful discoveries. And maybe I will hear from you later, but I will not count on anything, so there will be no pressure on you.

Your speech is full of wisdom and very nice but I find difficulties to reply on you that I can't easily find words causeI barely connect with people outside family and never tell my feelings I am so sorry. Maybe I can do it later. I am not giving up but I it is <br />
just very hard now...

You are very welcome. And thank you, too. I hope you can see this small sign, right now, that you matter: you have made a difference today. Someone who tries to help, will feel better when being able to do something, anything - just like someone who receives some help, will feel better. I won't promise you your life will turn around right away. But I myself have known depression, loneliness, incredible fears, even the wish not to exist. It has taken me a while to start believing I did matter, to start looking for hope instead of reasons to be bitter or angry against others or myself. But even if my life gives me challenges, I have learnt to exchange love, and value the love I have to give. I have learnt to believe I can contribute, that there are always opportunities great or small - like the one you have just taken by allowing my response to touch your heart. When I have fallen to the deepest and darkest, I didn't even have to fight, I have found out. There will be the wings of mercy carrying you to higher ground, if you just look for ways to face and accept the sadness in life, but at the same time look for the beauty and positivity too. They are both there, for me too. But having been in a place that reads to be similar to the place you are in at times, I am now fulfilled and I believe in myself and my place in this world. If you would like me to share some names of books that have helped me with this process, please tell me. Words hold healing power, just like the words that I have received and now share with you here (I believe they are not my own, they come from a higher source, but that is a subject everybody is free to have their own thoughts of). But if you prefer to find another way of connecting to the kindness, warmth, truth and beauty that are waiting for you, maybe in ways like I suggested in my previous reply, it will help you, too. You are not dependent on the love or approval of one or another. Your inner strength will help you when you allow it. But give a little love or sign that you care here and there, trying not to depend entirely on the reply of one person and one alone (some may respond strangely, but that is only because people can be so hurt at times they cannot reply from the heart, or are afraid of the softness of both themselves and others) - and very often you will get a response that will build your belief in love and kindness. I have now lived fourty one years, and I now firmly believe life is there to learn, but it looks upon us positively if we let it.

thank you very much sister Maria. Your comment on my story made me cry cause for the first time I feel understood. I promise you I will do my best to get over it and bring hope back to my life....

Dear Mary,<br />
Please do not ever feel unwanted. The great Creator put you on this earth as You, and only you. There is no other you, and you are unique. I, too, have recently gotten a big scar from an operation. It is not always easy to recover, but it reminds me that the greatest gems in a human being are inside. Mary, please consider connecting to others, and see how very much use you can be. Maybe you can write letters for prisoners for Amnesty International. Maybe a hospital or care home nearby needs volunteers to walk with patients. Maybe you can use your experiences to try to let someone else know that they are not alone. But first of all, reach out to a place within you - your own heart. Listen to your own inner tears falling, allow your heart to console you. Some call this a Divine experience, some feel that somehow, they have found the All inside themselves. But after this, after acknowledging all the tears and giving yourself a right to feel the grief, please feel the joy too. Take a walk outside in a park or other place of nature, and stare at a magnificent tree or a little flower. Make yourself a nice cup of tea and know that there are others who feel like you, or care about you, or would be glad to have you send a experienceproject-gift to them, even if maybe without words. You do count. You are here for your own very special assignment, and that may well be to find your way out of the feeling you are not important, and allow life to show you that you do. Take a small step today, even if only by allowing these words into your heart without (this is important!) allowing your mind to judge or express disbelief. These words I write to you, are the essence of the words that have begun to heal me after feeling exactly like you. Take a step, but be sure to make it a positive one. Yes, we share the knowledge of grief with all others here on EP. But make sure you also share some hope, or love, or belief - even if only by sending someone a little virtual gift. Take this advice to your heart. I promise you, it will not mend your life directly, but it will soon help. Make baby steps first. But make that step, please. I care about that, and many others you do not even know do, too.