Scars That Are Meant To Remind!

I have had over two dozen sugeries, not all left visible scars. Yet they all left scars, which never leave. They remain in a part of my cerebrum that stores all scars. They join the emotional: some life affirming, some life defying . Regardless of causation, some loom like merit badges while others hover as ghosts, avoidind light, reveling in shadow. emotional and physical both fall into these sub-categories. All represent a life experience, our responses to each detemining their compartment.Some I willingly share with the world, like badges of courage, representing the degree of strength I manged to summon to pull through, the battle won, hard fought , draining but life affirming! Others occasionally glimpsed, by a select few who un knowingly were alongside on that particular journey, not all utilizing the identical weapon or mental resource yet coming across the  same finish line. Some can never be viewed by reason of location, but empathized through shared experience. Physical and emotional all mesh, it is normal and to be expected, though there are so many levels/sub-categories some easily aired others locked away. Whether any of the vaulted are eposed to light, brought out and with whom it occurs, that is controlled by self. Day by day, we track our inventory, rearrange, sometimes elevate to the point of imminent airing, other days strengthen our resolve to keep held down, trying to hide even from our consciousness. I realize that this story is somewhat scattered and doen not flow as intended, I find it further proof we are masters of all, even those visible never relate all, only we have the key and the calendar. If nothing else perhaps the message is sometimes a scar is just a scar and the majority of the time only the owner knows the whole story and how they choose to represent it. On the other hand maybe my emotional scars are jumbling my thoughts resulting in an addled story whose sole purpose is trying to relate that all have scars, we must not assume, judge or feel that we know exactly what it is, thus sometimes a scar is just a scar, while some are severely scarred and never noticed . We don't know , sometimes neither does it's keeper! I apologize if this piece is all over the place as so is my mind today. Iam being inundated by feelings, memories{good and bad}, not to mention a fever hoverring in the tropical zone. Perhaps some of my scars are pushing and I'm trying to ignore?

lone1 lone1
51-55, F
1 Response Feb 17, 2010

Learnett, How do I begin to thank you, except by telling you how much that passage meant to me and reminding me of how long it has been since I revisted the best book ever printed. Some expend their energies seeking affirmation and acknoledgment, as I refer to as "self" centered. I however always chose to live my life "other"centered. Ths drove my convictions, governed my behavior even selected my career path. It has been a long time since someone else took the time to not only acknowledge but affirm my life choice but to do so in such a profound way as to actually "pierce" my <br />
outer being, but refuel my soul!<br />
restoked the furnace of my soul!