My Scars

I have many scars,inside and out.When I was about 15 I was out with my friends drinking,ended up steaming and then all of a sudden started getting
really angry and then I got a bit of glass and started slashing my arms,I have no idea why I can just remember wanting
To hurt myself but couldn't feel the pain.it wasn't til the next morning when I woke up I was in agony and my
Arms were a mess,the cuts weren't that bad they just looked awful.I couldn't believe
I had done it.when my mum seen it she just looked at me with disgust,think she just
Thought I was attention seeking which I probably was.my mums not really good at showing
Emotion so we didn't talk about it.
It was so embarassing at school (8 years ago I'm 23 now)I felt like everyone thought
I was crazy and they probably did.tried my best to hide them I was so ashamed,
I knew I was scarred for life and had no-one to talk to.my friends thought it was funny!
It wasn't like I was into self-harmer.
Anyway months went past and I started taking valium.one night when I was off my head
On valium I went downstairs and started hacking away at my arms for no reason again.
When I was straight I just couldn't understand why I done it. At work I try to wear long sleeved
Tops even though they have faded.I hate it b
Because people must think I have serious
Problems and the thing is I know I have issues that need to be addressed and I'm trying
To figure out what they are.its a taboo subject with my mum its like if we don't talk about
It then we can pretend it didn't happen.I need to get searching into my past because I suffer
From depression,anxiety and I abuse drugs daily to try to mask the depression....
ITS A VICIOUS CIRCLE


Much dependent on them.these scars are just a constant reminder that I have problems
That need to be dealt with also lmy drug use is increasing as the depression
sinead12 sinead12
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 18, 2010

One day they will be a constant reminder of what you have grown past.<br />
I hope you get the motivation and help you need to push past your pain. <3