Blame My Stupidity

literaly? i do.

06-23-09 (it was awfully memorable.)

It was when my brother-in-law took me to a mall in a motorcycle(which i am resctrictedly prohibited from riding). i bought three shirts for a very convicing prize, but that's another story. on the ride home, we had a stop over on a gasoline station. as got off from the motorcycle, i heard some kind hissing sound. like something sizzling. i looked down on my right leg and... DAMN. it got a disgusting ugly patch of burned skin. i could clearly see that the first layer of the skin compressed and piled up on a certain portion, revealing another white layer.. it looked looked lighter than my original skin color, and it had a thick brown lining around it. what happened is my legs touched the motorcycle's muffler when i got down. i could almost cry when i saw it. not that it hurts,  but it's like a part of my body got cut off. i treasured my legs more special than any part of my body since i was i child. my mom said i could be a fashion model with these kind of legs. now my dreams are all gone.

it didnt really hurt at first, but on the ride home, it started stinging like hell. im completely convinced that it'll be scar but my brother-in-law said that it wouldnt. i know he said that just to shut me up because ever since i found out about it, i started talking like nonstop. we stopped on a pharmacy and bought a medicine. he also said the i should make a different story. or else, mom would go crazy, get mad at me,  and blame him for everything. in the first place, why did he let me ride the motorcycle right?

when we got home, it got worse. it washed it with cold running water and it didnt made me feel any better. after i've done with the cleaning and everything , i went to bed.

 

but then.. i couldnt sleep. thoughts started haunting me. im not unlucky. i'm a certified stupid retard.i know. it's all my fault. but deep inside, i blame my brother-in-law. i wouldnt ride the motorcycle in the first place. i know it made me more stupid but that's what i really feel. i just cant believe that buyinh three shirts could change everything. i also couldnt imagine what my mom and dad would react if they saw the disgusting hellhole on my leg. they would kill me. and what would happen to me? how much do scar removal  treatment cost? how many weeks will i treat this wound until it heals? after that, how many more years will i patiently wait until this scar would lighten and be gone completely?

after 2 days and 2 more sleepless nights, my mom still didnt know about it. i walk on the living room as if i was always hiding something. i cant believe that even my dad cant suspect something. my friends saw it and was shocked. and disgusted i think. they persuaded me to tell my parents but still, i didnt.



a day after that, i got a fever. i think it's because of the burn, maybe it got infected resulting to the fever. my mom was checking my temperature, and that was the moment. a saw her mixing shocked,irritated, angry  reaction when she saw the wound. right after that i just cant look at face face. my story was when i was walking on the street, somebody accidentaly pushed me towards the hot muffler of the parked motorcycle. she went hysterical and cursed that "person". she also mentioned that she might kill the guy if she'll ever get the chance to meet him. my dad's reaction was different. i know he didnt believe the story, and i tried to hide my guilty expressions. he kept asking who's motorcycle i had ridden. then he pressed hardly on the fact that my legs went to waste.

 

for atleast two months, i've taken care of the wound as if it was a baby and cleaned it day and night. for the first two weeks, i had a hard time going up and down the stairs, which is such a bummer knowing that my classroom is located on the third floor building. it started changing colors every week. whitish, then brownish, then getting darker. then a yellow green color completed the rainbow when i found out that it started getting a pus on the whitish part on the middle. which is so disgusting because i cant notice if the pus was already dripping on my school socks. then, after few months, the brown skin started prying which revealed a smoother layer.

 

now, it's a brown, ugly, 1and 1/2 inch wide scar. i'm still living a lie for the purpose of covering m brother-in-law's small fault. i refrained from wearing shorts and skirts. im still frustrated everytime i look at it. i can still remember moments everytime i clean it's pus. also all of the shocked reactions of people when they saw it. still really fresh memories. blame it on my stupidity.

mhel0w8 mhel0w8
22-25, F
Mar 2, 2010