Strange And Beautiful

Last year,maybe, in a subject class that I had,we had this person who used to help the professor with all the explaining.A TA,basically.
I had not really noticed him much.He was tall ,lanky ,a geek and a nerd ,and Super smart.
So on the second last exam of the course, he was helping all of us operate the machine.The machine got jammed and he had to help me unjam it.He was a gentleman about it,and kind.That was almost the first time we interacted.
And the crush came on suddenly ,as I watched him leaving the room.And I though to myself, I wish I had realized this sooner !
Since then,till now,almost ten months later,I still havent talked to him.Now that Im writing it down,I feel silly; I should have atleast tried to talk to him!
I mean,apart from playing online games with him,just twice,or cyber stalking him,I havent really done anything. I dont remember why I was so intent on never letting him know.
Mind you,I stared at him enough.And it felt like he stared back,but we both have glasses,I could easily have been mistaken.
Also,for these ten months,we have been coming online at the same time.Almost every single day.
Thats what gave me a little hope,even though it seems like a very flimsy explanation.But hes a senior and Im a super duper coward.So I never even said Hi .
Again,after writing this down,I feel silly for that.
This is only because now he has left my college,since hes a senior and I will never see him again.I have stared enough to recognize him immediately in a crowd.I know the shape of his head and I know exactly the way he walks-its actually always more of a run.
So,I wish I had tried.And since I sometimes felt that he knew that I kinda liked him,from the way he would notice that  I entered the room,or that I passed by him,but look away real quick.So I also wanted to know if he knew.
And because he is so different from the other people that I have liked before,I always associate the song by aqualung with him; 'strange and beautiful'; It goes:

Ive been,watchin your world from afar And Ive been trying to be where you are, And Ive been secretly fallin apart,Unseen... To me,You 're strange and you're beautiful..

He is beautiful to me,with the lopsided smile and the characteristic voice and that run-walk.
I feel its very fitting!
Dreamwalking Dreamwalking
22-25, F
Sep 8, 2012