I Was A Victim Of Domestic Violence For Many Years

and today I am a degreed professional psychotherapist------------and no one knows my secret. Why? Because I would get the same psychological/emotional abuse from others that I got from my ex. I've heard the disdain you have for women who stay with abusers. You call her stupid. Sometimes you even say she gets what she deserves because she's so dumb to stay with him. It's what keeps me silent. I don't need anymore abuse. I've worked hard to overcome all the abuse and holier-than-thou attitudes from others who have no clue what a hell it is like to be with someone who physically and mentally abuses you; how low your self esteem becomes and how small your world becomes. And the energy it takes to hide it from everyone.

I'm happily married today and when I think about the girl I used to be, I have to admit that I don't even know who that girl was. I cry for her. I cry for the years that she believed the awful lies he told her. And the years she wasted with him. I can still see her with her hair a wreck, her mascara smeared and her eyes swollen from hours of crying, and her hands shaking from trauma. I hear her begging him to not go out and cheat on her. And I see her driving home and crying into her pillow in the darkness of the night.

You would never know these things if you knew me today.I am an accomplished therapist. I might even be your therapist. No, I don't work exclusively with battered women and right now I have no patients who are in abusive reltionships. But every now and then, I meet a patient who has been abused and she will often wonder how I can know so much about something I've never experienced. She tells me that I'm the most understanding therapist she has met. But the truth is that I have experienced it. I have lived it. And I know what it's like-----but I will never admit that to you.
Shannen2 Shannen2
46-50
Sep 8, 2012