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I Live In A Messy Non-traditional Polygamous Relationship

My family thinks I have this perfect relationship with a knight in shining armor and 2.5 kids as well as a dog. Actually, they know my "bf" and her kids live with my "DH" and I. At first it was a struggle with acceptance as to why we all live together. Now they don't ask or make snide comments anymore.

What they don't know, is that I brought her into the house because he was never there anymore. He was always at work because that was the nature of the job. I wrapped my whole world around him and he was never there. We got along great as friends and moms helping each other out. She helped me get help for my postpartum depression and attend to my special needs child. Her then husband was always gone as well, even more than mine. Eventually I offered my husband to her and that was the beginning of our sensual relationship.

After a few years, things changed. My self-created support system (her) moved to be his support system. They even started working together. I slowly crumbled and it finally got to the point where I asked myself what my goal was for the day and I responded "to not kill myself." I told her and she took me to be admitted to a mental hospital, where I stayed for a month bc I just didn't want to go back home.

Because I had given so much of me to both of them, I had no voice. I couldn't figure out how to communicate. I said things I didn't really mean and responsibilities were taken away from me. He and I got divorced and within a week they were married. Their anniversary happens to be the one year date I was admitted to the hospital too. It was rough for the next year. Relocation due to his work, children graduating, all sorts of topsy turvy life happenings.

I decided I needed to finally go to school and put the plans in motion. While getting ready for the next big transition, she fell incredibly ill. Medically induced coma ill. His work wouldn't let him off to deal with this traumatic turn of events. Because I had been removed from household duties over the last year+ I was lost in the sudden responsibilities of finances, etc. I messed the bills up. I spent a week pouring my brain out into a binder so the household could still run as smooth as possible. No one used the binder. Kids missed appointments, more bills didn't get paid, things didn't go smoothly.

I'm told it's too much on the kids that I come home on the weekends from school. I'm constantly asked if I'm staying and they remind me of their fear of me leaving after I get done with school. Her kids point out that I focus on my kids when I'm home. I'm not happy. She controls him. I despise her for that. I never controlled him and would never have considered it. She has changed him so much that he's lost friends over it and he's ok with it.

She punched me for tapping her daughter on the forehead to keep her attention. I restrained her and gave her bruises in the process. She also had scratch marks on her wrists bc she kept yanking them out of my hands to hit me more. It took someone else to come in and stop her. I wish I would have beat the **** out of her to prove a point, but I'm not going to jail over that. There have been so many times that she did things to my children that I didn't agree with, but I NEVER once laid a hand on her. He says we attacked each other and all I did was hold her arms. It hurts that he doesn't believe me.

I didn't plan on having kids when I did, I was on birth control every time I got pregnant. Now that it is what it is, I just want to live and raise my kids with their dad. I want my husband to be mine and give me the time and attention I deserve. I want him to reciprocate all the sacrifices I've made for him. All of this mess is because he failed to give me the attention I needed. I created this environment.

I have to get my education and this means being hours apart from my children during the week. We will be going through another transition soon. She is looking for houses in one area and has shown no intentions of looking for housing that accommodates both the family and my education. I can't afford to take the kids on my own. I can't handle not being in my children's lives. Some people tell me it doesn't matter what I desire, I have kids and I need to serve them. Some people tell me I need to get my education and better myself. I just don't want to be judged whatever I do.

I'm not happy.
itscctoyou itscctoyou 26-30 1 Response Aug 7, 2012

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honestly, and this is just my opinion, i thought this as if it were me finding myself in this situation, but i think you should get your head together, and get away from that living situation. Ask him how happy he is. If he says he is happy, then let those two have each other. If he isnt then ask him to stand beside you, and work as a team to get this straight. As far as the kids, if you get away from those two, then fight like hell to keep them, maybe talk to your family, or another good friend, you never know who can step up and help, and someone may know just the right person... But first maybe you should confide in someone you trust so that they are aware and maybe they can and are willing to help, i know its hard, but you can do it