my upbringing makes me hate the world

My family has money problems and it makes me hate how the US neglects over half its citizens.
I am a white 17 year old girl, I must deny going out to eat with my friends, going to basketball games, and most importantly going to the college of my dreams because life is cruel and we can't afford it.

I can not bring myself to share this with anyone I know because it would just feel so awkward. To watch their look of disbelief, then forced apologetic look that turns to pity - it would be humiliating.

I love and respect my parents so much. They have given up their lives, their dreams, and their health in hopes to create a worry free life for me and my sister. My mom works three jobs, during the day, at night, and during the weekend. My dad is a college graduate, recently laid off from his trade, working a dead end job along side high school graduates because no where else will hire him.. he hates it. He feels like he has let down his family. I can not express the respect I have for him, for taking this humiliating position to do whats best for the rest of us. The biggest lie that is told is that people are poor because they are lazy. My father works harder than any person I have ever met, but he has no union to fight for him, and his back-breaking work is met with pennies.

Here are a few confessions that not a soul knows:

My family gets food from a food bank. They tried to hide it from me for four months.

My dads job no longer provides us with health insurance. I learned that from snooping in the bill drawer.

I, a seventeen year old girl, make more money than my father......

The world is ****** up, and I am so angry all the time. I didn't know it was possible to have this much hatred for the world. I am young, I should be thinking about college, and careers, and love and foolish childish things, but I can not. They feel frivolous.

My friends are applying for rich out of state schools. My friends go out to eat once a week. They get mad at me when I refuse to go to the movies with them with a 'lame excuse'.

I feel alone. I feel helpless. I feel like no matter how hard I work in life my dreams will be crushed because I do not have the connections or the funds to benefit me.

I need help. I need a change in attitude. I need to know that I am not alone in my anger and hatred and unfortunate upbringing.
kitchenwitchh kitchenwitchh
18-21, F
Sep 23, 2012