I've Relapsed.I know no one personally on this site, so I feel the freedom to type my mistakes freely, without the shame of disappointing someone who loves me.
As a lot of my friends, on here, know..I was an addict for 5 years, correction: I'll always be an addict whether I'm using or not.
I find that most people who do not use drugs or hard drugs rather, do not understand at all. They try, sometimes really hard, but they fail to get it. And that's good, great actually. I wish I was them..because if I was, I would proudly stand tall and say "I don't get it"!!! But unfortunately, I can never do that, because in the end, I know about it all too well.
I've been clean, sober, and hopelessly unhappy for the last almost 7 months and 3 days ago, I relapsed.
I've realized the significance of this relapse last night, the day before Christmas Eve, when my mom came up to me in our kitchen. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it really hard. She told me that she has already gotten her Christmas present this year. Of course, I asked her what she was talking about..even though I already knew. She said all she wanted was a healthy, sober, daughter. As my mom looks at me and says this..I was high.
I thought, as any mind impaired addict does, that I could use for a few days...just to "get through the holidays"..but that daydream slaps you across the face when you wake up in the morning in depths of acute withdrawal.
If I wake up Christmas morning with anything under my Christmas tree other than sobriety, I'll be greatly disappointed.