Stuck In A Rut Of A Relationship

It all started when I finally brought a cell phone. My bf constantly began looking through it every chance he got & I didn't have a problem with it, until he wouldn't let me look through his. I began searching for answers my friends telling me that that's the number one sign of a cheater , that it showed that he was maybe guilty after seeing how easy it was to cheat that he had to make sure I wasn't doing it. So I looked and they were right. I didn't catch any evidence that he had sex with any of the girls but it was tons of flirty messages in his phone and Facebook . Him telling girls they were pretty , a few girls he even hanged out with. There was so many different messages that i didn't even get to read all of them at one time , I had to go back over ad over again to read the ones I missed. I should've left right here but at the time he was my best friend and I felt like I couldn't find anyone else, I was afraid of being heartbroken so I cursed him out but I stayed too. This was around 8 months and I thought maybe if I wait Alittle longer than he'll stop . Eventually he would stop for a month but then start again when I let my guard down. He told me it was because he was scared , his last gf cheated in him throughout his 2 yr relationship and then left him out of nowhere . He claims that he just wants to make sure he has back up it we break up so he won't be lonely after . That's when guy number 2 comes in . I actually knew him since my freshman year of high school & we messed around here and there. I lost contact with him my junior year but we started talking again right before my senior year but I stopped contact again when I met my bf. well anyways he reached out to me on Facebook at the right time. It was valentines day weekend and even though my bf had a job he didnt take me out . Now I may sound like a spoiled ***** but my brother was unemployed , never had a job before and was still able to scrape up 20 dollars to take his gf to the movies. I would've been happy with just chilling somewhere like a coffee shop or the mall but no we didn't even spend the day together . Anyways guy number 2 calls me & is like omg I miss u we gotta meet up. So he came & picked me up. I don't know why but he made me feel wanted unlike my bf. anyways we drove around town & he's like Alex we've never hooked up before . We've did oral sex and kissed and stuff but we didnt hook up. Well one thing led to another an it happened. & it was the best experience ever , even better than when I lost my virginity. Whenever me and bf used to have sex he'd always say I wasn't doing it right but guy number 2 loved it. He dropped me off that night & yes I felt bad for cheating but I also felt happy that I got back at my bf. as time went on things would get better with my bf and I eventually told guy number 2 that I wanted to b faithful . He said ok. But eventually my bf went back to his old ways and so I went back 2 guy number 2. One day guy number 2 told me he wanted to be with me like as a real boyfreind . He said he thought about me everyday & that he missed me but I wasn't ready to leave my bf I still wanted to believe things would get better . well fast forward to today - me and guy 2 still see each other from time to time but I don't think he wants a relationship anymore . One minute he wants me to have a ********* with his bro & then the next minute he calls me "his love" and wants to bring me food & shoes up at my job. I'm done waiting for my boyfriend to change I really want to leave him but I don't wanna lose him as a friend. I want to be single and be able to talk to whoever I want but I feel that my bf would be too hurt by the breakup to keep contact with me. He keeps saying if we break up hes not getting a new girlfriend . I really want to date guy number2 but I'm scared to tell him how I feel.
Alexandria44 Alexandria44
Jan 7, 2013