Secret Thats Been Ruining My Life
I just remebered why i cant have kids. No kid is gonna want a mother that never got over nocturanal erisess or whatever the hell its called. They'll be embaressed of me. I could keep it a secret from them but what will they say when ur doing laundry at two in the morning, smelling like u just crawled out of a dumpstur and u've woken them up from a peaceful sleep? Or worse, their doing laundry with u. So I cant have kids. I cant put any kid through that. How do u explain to them that its going to ruin ur life, maybe itll go away but it may be there forever? Ik from experience that its better to never be born then to have to deal with this. Sometimes it doesnt happen and I finally get a peaceful sleep but sometimes it does and it ruins the shower taken the night before for school, lotion or perfume, but basically it ruins ur life and sleep. And how can u explain to someone what u have? No one can really relate unless they've had it. I **** the bed some nights, I end up messing of three blankets then need two more to sleep. I mess up two or three loads of laundry every night it happens. My parents hid all the blankets in there room and its too embaressing to walk in there for new blankets when uve just pissed over three of them. Im sleeping on the couch now. I hafta listen to the laundry going and its so loud and impossible to sleep but its my punishment for not being able to control my body. I was having a nice dream of my gf until mom woke me up to late to go to the bathroom. Even my dog stared at me. What fifteen year old still ****** the bed? Its a question that circulates my mind evey night.Its made me ashamed of myself, i cant control it even though ive spent my entire life controlling and bottling emotions. I can keep myself from crying for months but I cant stop myself from ******* the bed for even a night My gf knows of my problem and she doesnt care. When we live together she still wants me in the same bed as her. And if it happens she says we'll clean up, change the sheets, and she'll comfort me. Even if it happens everyday. Shes sucha sweetheart. And she still loves me. So many people would think im disgusting and think its not even a problem just dont drink water at night, just stay up all night. But it still happens, not if I stay up all night but its not possible for me to stay up late. I just pass out and forget the entire night. No one knows how hard it is until its happened to u and u think to urself. Wow. Am I really going to be doing this all my life? It ruins ur sleep, goodtimes as a kid (no sleepovers), and ur dreams of having children. Theres no bright side to this story im afraid. But theres an even bigger downside. This happens to so many people, and im not only one. Someone else is suffering to and I wrote this for anyone who feels alone when dealing with this. It is a big problem for those of u who think its not. I got depressed alot from it, not to mention all the times I thought of suicide. I dont think of sucide anymore because of the thought of leaving my gf is unbeariable. But everyday it goes on u cant help but think why? Of all people, why me? But id rather it be me then someone else. Caz I got my gf to comfort me and to be there for me after 15 years of being alone on this, I got someone I trust and love. Do not share this type of secret with just anyone. My gf and I have been best friends since 7th garde, and got together in 9th. Ive kept her from suicide and shes done the same for me. Ive helped her from obusive boyfriends and shes helped me deal with my not undertstanding parents who kinda ruined my confidence and hurt me. She helped me quit cutting myself and given me a more positive look on life. We always talk bout our future together everyday and we only got three years more to go until we will be together forever and longer like we've always wanted. Anyways its 4 in the morning and ive gotten like no sleep and I gotta get up at 6 and im starting the second semester of school after a long winter break. Idk how to end this so goodbye.