I Am In Lust But I Cant Love This Man. Help.

im really sorry to bore anybody but i absolutely am in lust with my fiance, nothing else, just lust, we have been together for seven years and i am no closer to loving him in any way, i dont like anything about his mind, he is an emotional burden in almost every way, he even tries not to smile because he doesnt want early wrinkles, he says he loves me and keeps no friends just to prove it but i cant stand  being near him when there is no form of sex or heavy petting going on, its really upsetting because i enjoy a good laugh, conversation which he cannot provide, i cant enjoy sex with anybody else and i have tried with people equally attractive and more sexually explorative but nothing like the way i do with this corpse of a partner, im scared, i cantleave and i cant be happy mentally.. i feel shallow to have sex on such a basis but i dont want to have sex with anyody else, i have told him but he only cried till i said i as joking.. life seems so repetetive and scary to think of my life continuing this way.. can anybody help?

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10 Responses Feb 9, 2010

I agree with most advises here. Honey, do you really want your whole life, through sickness, through death, through better and worse, with this kind of life? It's 7 years, and it's not changing. Either let him cry alone, or you'll both will be crying blood.<br />
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Marriage, relationships, are two way street. If he can't accept your suggestions or solutions to make this more exciting and more enjoying, then please, by all means, don't let him either. He'd made your heart cry, to be damned if he shed tears.

Run i made the mistake of marring MY lust......don't do it after awhile it gets sicken and you start to loath your self........ connection is very important on multi levels sex a fraction of what connection really is.

Your man sounds totally self centred. He says he doesn't have any friends because he only wants to be with you but from what I can see, there's nobody else out there that wants to spend any time with him - and I can see why not. He doesn't laugh, he has no intellectual conversation and he is an emotional burden.<br />
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It sounds to me like he is laying one BIG guilt trip on you. I've seen this before - with my step daughter. She wasted seven years of her life with a similar hanger-on. I'd bet that the reason your self esteem is low is because he 'does his magic on you' to make you feel that way.<br />
Try booking a holiday with a few girl friends to see what life is like out there. Then make a decision on how happy you are once you're back. <br />
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If I'm right, he'll start laying that guilt trip on you the moment you tell him you're going away for a week with your friends. He'll plead with you not to go, he'll say he'll never manage without you and he'll try to make you feel bad about yourself for going away. That's their usual modus operandi. My step-daughter's wos (waste-of-space) used to try faking an asthma attack at the last minute too!<br />
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Forewarned is forearmed. Watch for the signals. <br />
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Best of luck.

"life seems so repetetive and scary to think of my life continuing this way.. can anybody help?"<br />
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Problems that are out in the open don't typically go away after a wedding; they just get worse.

hon I think yoyu'e done a good job, what ..7 years.. he hasn't changed and he never will, build a bridge, get over it, and get a life... good luck.

go find a good therapist and start working on yourself. you are obviously afraid to be alone. you have a low self-esteem, and you do not need to settle for goodness sake. RUN NOW!!!!!!! BE STRONG!!!!!

Oh my! I have to say I agree with most of the others. There has to be more than just good sex in a relationship. Seven years is, indeed, a very long time and there should be more than a good time in bed. It doesn't sound like there is any real love going on there. I hate to say it but my advice would be to break it off before you get trapped in a marriage that is loveless and at some point may become sexless. What happens when he decides he doesn't really want to have sex anymore?? Read some of the stories on this site....it is a sad situation and you would be left with absolutely nothing. You are way too young to get trapped like this.

Sweetheart, you need to get out of there as soon as possible. Sex is fantastic, don't get me wrong-- I'm a bit of a nympho myself. However, sex can NOT make a relationship work. No matter what you do, no matter how you lie to yourself, if there are no feelings other than lust involved, sex is just sex. <br />
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My advice? Sit down and make a list for yourself of all things that he does to you in the bedroom that really get you going. Then make a list of all the things you wish you could do with this guy but, due to his lack of outward emotion and the lack of love in the relationship, you can't. See which list is longer.<br />
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If I'm right, the first will be far shorter than the second. And less important, in the long run. So, get the hell out of dodge and wait for Mr. Right to come along. So what if he's not the BEST lay you've ever had? Just take out that first list and hand it to him. Trust me, you can teach a man a new sex position, but you can't teach a man a new personality.

I couldn't say it any better than that above me did.....RUN and Run fast before you're in ANY deeper.

Good grief girl! Don't let good sex get in the way of a real life. So he lights your fire in bed, ok. But, unless you plan to do nothing (NOTHING!!) else for the rest of your life, walk away, break the engagement, move on, RUN!<br />
There are 7 billion people on this planet and almost half of them are men, so do the math. There's bound to be someone who lights your fire and can be a partner mentally and emotionally too.<br />
But that's just my opinion...