I Have A Secret I Kept From My Family...

They don't know how much they have hurt me.

They blamed me for everything, as if it was all my fault.

If only they knew, how hurt, how sad, how depressed i am right now...

And no matter how deep they have hurt me, i could never tell them the truth.

It's not in my nature to tell them the truth, cause whenever i do that, they always managed to made me as the bad guy.

I know lying doesn't make me any better, but at least i could live my life peacefully eventhough it's only for temporary.

How i craved their love and acceptance that they give to my sister and brother.

I always knew that i shouldn't have been born in this family.

But who am i to choose, it's not my decision in the first place.

Will i ever be cured from my sickness that was caused by them??

sequoi sequoi
22-25, F
14 Responses Mar 10, 2010

My initial advice would be to get away from that environment as quickly as possible. I don't know how old you are or what your circumstances are, so I don't know if that is feasible or not.<br />
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In the mean time, you're going to need to be truly honest with yourself when you answer these questions: Have you done the things that your family says you have? If so, is their reaction reasonable under the circumstances? If you answered yes to both questions, then you've got some work to do in terms of straightening it out. If you answered "no' to either question, then the problem lies with them, not you. In that case, you might consider some books on emotional abuse or emotional blackmail.<br />
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As someone who has suffered at the hands of an emotional abuser, I can tell you that YOU are the only person who can make it better.<br />
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Good luck!

I though I was the only one but now I see I'm not alone...

i feel the same way as you

I really wish i could...

I can't even begin to say how much you post effected me. I myself was born into a family that blamed me for everything from the food being over cooked to my dad divorcing my mother. My younger sister is Autistic (though my mother refuses to tell her no matter how hard I fight with her over it) and my older brother is 10 yrs older than me, making him infallible in my mothers eyes. My parents split when I was 10 and I had to grow up quick and become a mother to my sister while my mother worked 3 jobs and dad went to live with his new family. <br />
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Life doesn't get easier, who ever says this is lying. It just get's harder. The only thing that makes life even remotely bearable are the few people (and I say few because I only have 6 TRUE friends) whom you can trust and confide in. They will be the people you go to just to vent and vice-versa (it's like a personal support group). Find those people who will be by your side and I can guarantee that life will start to brighten up, no matter how messed up your family makes it.<br />
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hey there, <br />
<br />
I know it hurts to be an outsider in your own family but really you have the onus to make yourself happy, no one can except for you. Find something that makes you happy and stick with it. Get some therapy and build some resilience and stop on this trail of self destruction.

I wish i could just walk away and leave everything behind.<br />
I'm pretty sure they won't miss me or anything.<br />
I wonder, do they realize the small jokes that they threw at me hurts??

it feels like your telling my story.I am da middle child, i have alot of hurt inside of me i dont tell anyone, no one ever understands.every thing i do good or bad i keep it to my self.

Im sorry to hear u r having troubles with ur so called family...Some of what u say relates to me.. not sure if its the same way.. but i guess that doesnt matter really. My family have no idea how much they have hurt me... they dont seem to care at their behaviour or their words.. I have come to the conclusion that they just dont care enough... <br />
At the end of the day.. how do u feel? Can u live without them? move on and build ur own life and future? These r the Q's im asking myself right now.. after a lot of thought and evaluating my whole history with them.. im guessing my life is better without them. I have an image of what family r meant to be and mine just dont fit. Acceptance is the key.. I hope u find some peace and some answers.. if u want to talk more im here.. x

man im sorry to hear that, my mom always blamed me and talk down to me ever since I was younger and if i fought back I was the bad guy. She loved and still loves my little sister more than she loves me. I dont let her see that im hurt. unfortunetly, I have grown to hate her. If you wana talk about it, im all ears... try to have a nice day ok?

It's such a emotional roller-coaster. <br />
Sometimes i'm okay and sometimes i am not okay.<br />
Sometimes i wish i could just vanish away, even then i don't think they'll regret what they've done.

are you ok?

it sounds like your doing wut i do and holding it in <br />
i hav no room to talk but you need to let it go and if you hav to dont see them anymor

i now how you feel but im in a litl difrent sityouation they wont exept me for me and it herts i rot up a letter not long ago to giv them if only to see them cry but i havent yet <br />
you should read my storyes befor comenting im very sentsetiv <br />
and no im not gay<br />
i dont no y ppl think that if you r a sensetiv guy your gay its so damn annoying