Fear Of Having A Mental Disorder

It's not a secret fear I have no problem sharing it if the topic arises, I think my mentioning it at this horrible community school I went to made me even more disliked by the faculty. The first week or so the english comp 1 instructor shoved some disability papers under my nose. Almost accused me of being attention deficite. That is what sharing a love of higher mathematics and metaphysics gained me, having diverse interests, wanting to work in science and art.  All my life I have been told "he has dyslexia" " he writes with his left hand"...."but he draws with his right." "he will have a bad tempor like his dad" "he will be a bum like his dad, a dreamer" "both you and your sister are nuts" "attention deficite" "bi-polar" "manic depressive" "arested development" "emotional problems."  And, literrally. .  .   ."GOD" forbid I share what he has shared with me. It may have worked for mathew, mark, luke and john. You know what it gets the modern man accused of having, "schizophrenia." "but they have medications that may help you," may, being the opperative word. one restless night i took one of my freinds seroquil (however it's properly spelled) OMG- I thought I was going to die If i fell asleep. I hyperventalated till the sun rose. and felt creepy for the better part of a week. Sleep disorder I have, temper when backed in a corner,yes. Adesire to create and and unbounded constant imagination that will not turn off. In spring during the cold snaps for some unknow reason with certain people it's as though I can hear there very thoughts (this can be disturbing). And several times often saving my life or helping me when things had been real bad. I have heard the distinctive messages of what I know to be GOD. very common sense type information nothing odd or unusual. I think most people In the medical profession are there to grab quick big bucks and I wouldn't trust them with a hang-nail much less my life. My dear Aunt Robin who passed of cancer said " oh poor mike , they just have got you all wrong. yer not bipolar silly you just haven't been around you real dad's people. Yer LOUD, Yer OBNOXIOUS, Yer IRISH. F%@&n  them if they don't like it".  Thats it I guess. In Psychology I was "taught/told" dreams are extrapalations of pieces of consious thought, I don't think I agree with this. Also they said: "nobody has ever seen the sky in a dream" I know this not to be true. I have seen a blazing gold and orange sunset, I have seen countless variations on the city in which I live and others I have been too. If the professionals of psychiatry can't even get this simple thing right why would I trust in them my mind. After all It is all I really have In this reality. So I supose I do have one actual disorder it's called: Meningitophobia the fear of having a brain disease. 

theghostinthemachine theghostinthemachine
41-45, M
3 Responses Mar 12, 2010

Does a fear of having a mental disorder rise to the level of Phobia? A mental disorder in itself...

thank you for the comment. I do whine a bit in here at EP it's new to me and I have used it primarily to help myself with depression. EP helped me go thru a bad one that came on suddenly. Having never really been depressed even when things were horribly bad I was quite unprepared to deal with it. If I had not found this site I would have probably checked into a hospital. Your observations confirm my belief that I'm of fair mental order. So once again thanks for sharing..........

hey there, hey how come there are 80 views and no comments. Its coolio i like being first. : ) What if I told you Ghost that there is nothing wrong with you? Nada, and you are perfectomundo? And that maybe what you have my friend is no dis-ease, dis-order, dis-ability, or dis-function? Here is a theory to bounce around in that overly creative, sensitive thinker we or they call your brain. You may in some way unconsciously already know. here it is, what if when you were born, you were born perfectly and completly healthy? All babies require certain things in which to develop emotionally and physically healthy and able to have a productive life. Some can do without one thing and be fine others can have all these needs met yet go onto struggle with life. Some learn techniques to deal with the lack, maybe they become unemotional, in response to no human contact, or loud and aggressive to get attention because any attention is better than none. All our behaviors usually are created and we are that way because of a response to something. Now have you felt as though you are different and always have? Have you always known that there had to be something wrong with you because you felt things so much more than others? What if you were actually in truth closer to who you were meant to be than anyone else? I wonder did you always feel like you were in the way as a kid? Like no matter what you did it wasn't good enough? Did you feel as though you were not heard? And when heard misunderstood? Or made fun of? Did your parents blame you or make you feel guilty for things you couldn't help, like needing a pair of pants? Did and have you felt inside that you were good but never recognized for that good? <br />
My theory here Ghost is that you have spent your life searching for an answer, an answer which no one is going to heal with a bottle of pills or talk therapy, or one self help book. Why? because you have inside you the ability to heal your issues but instead of realizing this you keep feeding your obviously intelligent and creative brain with negative s*%^. How is anything positive gonna come of all the negative? Your message tells me of all you are not, what is wrong with you, and a few symptoms said to be a bad thing by who? Dude, we as humans were born with all we need to succeed and not hurt other humans, but help other humans. What you gotta do is STOP LOOKING FOR A DISORDER AND FIND THE ORDER. You see if someone tells you something long enough, or you tell yerself something long enough, you will begin to believe it. and yes actual symptoms occur. Its call the nocebo effect. What brings this on? Americas number one fault and cause of all our issues- FEAR. So I suggest you nut up and change your internal recorder and analizer and switch it over to positive. Listen, and be conscience of how you talk about yourself and how you talk to yourself. we all do it, like when we mess up we call ourselves stupid or whatever. Who are you to put you down? And who are they to tag you as whatever. They only become your truth when you own them. Stop looking for whats wrong, stop asking others to tell you whats wrong, dont tell yourself you are sick, tell yourself you are good and getting better, its hard at first but stick with it. The same works for relationship problems, you just focus on the things you like about that person and they will show you more of them. what ever you fear the most will come to you because of the focus and power you give it by fearing it. Swear. I took the time to type this because I recognize how I used to think in your message. I too couldve been given a full disability via a docs diagnosis. But i have pride and I dont need it. I have come to learn I need to trust in me, and stop looking for others to make me well. If I listen my intuition tells me what is right and what is not. As for hearing others thoughts, I think once you get a handle on your own you wont pick up on so much of the negaive around you. Be kind to yourself, and surround yourself with things that calm you, dont listen to negative people or the news. I have lost a few friends over the past year because they forever were convinced of all the faults told to them by themselves and than a doctor listened and confirmed for them and loaded them up on psych meds like seroquil, and everyday you take your pills you tell yourself why you take these meds, only reaffirming your illness. daily make a list of 3 things you are grateful for or glad you friggin have. and start lookin inward for the qualities in you that are good. good luck to you, remember you deserve happiness and its your right, change your focus.