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Don't Know What To Do Anymore

I've been with my husband for six and a half years and I seriously am at a loss at what to do.  He is extremely selfish and after many times of him telling me things will be different they're not.  He never helps out around the house unless I ask him, even though I too work full time and I'm the one who takes my daughter to her after school activites.  His only responsibility is to go to work.  I do everything else in the household.  He goes to the gym 5-6 times a week and I've mentioned to him that I wish he put the same type of effort into me as he does into the gym.  Intimacy-HA I'm lucky of it's 2-3 times a month...we argue about the same thing over and over again-his selfish ways and I'm physically and mentally drained over this.  I love him but am completely miserable in my relationship...any advice?

hadenough613 hadenough613 31-35, F 2 Responses Dec 11, 2009

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I had pretty much the same situation. After 11 years I finally advised my husband that I had to have help from him financially and around the house. I had refinanced my house (I say "my" because he never paid a cent towards the mortgage) twice to pay off credit card debt in order to support us as he worked a year in those 11 years. He used to demand to know why we had credit card debt because he never saw any money. He also had a drug habit. Once he realized the free ride was coming to an end, he used his resources to find another woman on the internet so he did have a talent after all! He told me in the end that he'd been a "kept man" and that's what he had wanted. I cannot tell you how sick I felt at that point. I could have dealt with how our marriage was if he'd done things around the house. I did the work outside the home, the shopping, the cleaning, attended to the bill paying, etc. We tried therapy and that was only more money out the door. Sometimes people just don't want to change. I didn't want to support him anymore when he was perfectly able to work and he was determined not to work. If he had only told me how lazy he was before we married, at least I could have made an informed decision. <br />
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I am so sorry that you are going through this ordeal. In the end there are only two choices. You can stay in the relationship or you can end it. If you aren't able to make a decision based upon mental logic, make a list of pros and cons; it does help.

Have you two tried couples therapy at all?