Terrified

Just within the last few weeks I started this death and dying "phobia." I think it stems from my loneliness and fear that I will die alone. I think about it as soon as I wake up and when Im going to bed. I cannot imagine never seeing this earth and its people again. I have 3 children and it is gut wrenching to me that one day I wont see them anymore. I cant stand it. Its gotten so bad that the other day in the shower I looked down at my arms and imagined how I would be cold and hard when I die. I even started thinking that I dont need to buy anything else because down the road its not going to matter. Sometimes I wish I wasn't born so I wouldn't have to face death, or wish I didnt have children because I dont want them to have to deal with losing me. I am the only person they have. I just cant shake this feeling. What didn't help is that last week my grandma had a heart attack and was on life support. Seeing her that way increased my fear and then all these celebrities passing away lately. Logic tells me this is inevitable and yes it is the life cycle, but I still have these feelings. Im trying to understand why God created us to live and die....