I Don't Know Why

Hey everyone, I had no clue that there was a group like this,,but I am very glad that I found it. My story; I have feared death since I was 23 and I'm 48 now, it has not left my mind,,not for one single day. I had an anxiety attack at the age of 23, and thats where it all began. Now for 25 years I have thought each day that it would be my last. I've been in therapy for this,,and I'm back in it  again. I can't understand why I just can't live a normal life,,and just Live?..But I Do live each day in fear of death. It Will Not Leave My Mind,,,,  I wish it would,,just for a day. I'm not sure if its dying that I'm afraid of, or maybe just leaving the ones that I love. But it really seems that its just death itself that I fear. I hate it and wish I could rid of my everyday fear,,the fear of dying.              Thanks,

Ydoifear23 Ydoifear23
46-50, M
4 Responses Jul 21, 2009

That's really interesting, how do you live with that fear? Is it really intense or more like a mist that subtly fulfills your days? I guess you should investigate what's behind that fear and why is it such a problem, that's what therapy is for. Did you get any better with years that passed?

Ask your doctor if he would consider prescribing the drug Phenytoin for you. It is prescribed for fits but has a number of interesting off-label usages one of which is controlling obsessive like thoughts. Failing this, see if you can get it on the Internet. One is usually able to purchase up to 3 months medication for personal use.

Thanks for your reply comment,,and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My only brother died in my arms last March,,and the pain,,,,I can't explain. I officiated his memorial,,as I also have officiated a few more. But still the fear remains,,,now more intense. I've lost many to death, and many when I was young. I dont know why I have this fear,,but it is a fear that cannot be faced and come back to say,,I faced it,,u know. I wish so that it was just a fear of spiders or something as simple as that. But my life hasnt been simple,,hasnt been easy. Anxiety knocked me down at the age of 23,,,and I am trying very very hard to rid this fear of death that I have. Thanks again for your reply.<br />

I have read your story about your fear of death. I respect your comments, and now I'll let you know how I feel on the subject. I believe there are many different reasons why people fear death. First, I think people are afraid of the unknown no matter what it is. Second, I think people are afraid of how they will die. Third, I think people are afraid of going alone. Afterall, no one has actually come back to let us know what lies ahead,so actually I guess It is frightful for most. Me myself, I'm not afraid, and the only reason for that is because I have lost my only child whom I love dearly to suicide which is a very selfish act by someone you love with all your heart, and honestly they love you back. They are not in their right minds when commit this act, and they never give us, the grieving family a second thought or they wouldn't follow through with it. It's been a very rough road for me, but I have worked through it. Without him, it's like having a left hand without a right. I can only hope our loved one's are there waiting for us, but in the event that they are not, we will never have to go through this pain & suffering again. I would never try to sway you or anyone else in to believing what I think, but it does help me get through each day. I wish you the best. Sincerely, Kolyopy