I Am Addicted To Spanking

I was raised in a strict religious family and was spanked a lot growing up. I would get anything from kitchen utensils to slaps across the face from my mother.  My Dad was more consistent but his spankings were always laying face down on the bed getting the belt on the butt numerous times.  Never  on the bare though always we had our clothes on. 

 

I remember one time when I was 5 I got whipped 20 times with the belt for not coming in the house in the evening.  We went to a private christian school and would get the wooden paddle there for misbehaving.  When we got older we got canned, which was very painful.  By the time I was 14 I was 6ft 1" and refused to let anybody lay a hand on me anymore at home or school.  As a result I left home and had difficult teenage years living on the street and doing drugs, crime etc..

The wierd thing about all this is that I have had a fascination with with getting spanked on the bare *** since as long as a can remember.  Probably 5 years old.  I know it sounds wierd but its true.  This has affected me in later life.  When spanking pics and videos became available online I became fascinated with the subject and started looking at adult spanking sites on almost a daily basis.  It also became part of my sex life with the spanking of my now ex wife.  She never fully understood it, but was involved in it a little. 

Anyway Im wondering how healthy this im in my 30s and single.  I mean all I do is watch and ********** to spanking movies!!  I want to stop but dont seem to be able to.  I can ********** like 3-6 times in one day!  I really enjoy spanking other females and have done so on several occasions since my ex and I split up.  Is this normal?  Can anyone else relate?

preacherskid1 preacherskid1
36-40, M
6 Responses Mar 6, 2010

I am very religious and moral. I was a virgin til married. I became fascinated with and aroused by (although I didn't know that's what it was at the time) the idea of spanking by about age 9. I got spanked by my parents and didn't like that but it didn't hurt me like it did my siblings. I even remember feeling tingly when I knew I was about to get spanked. So this all came naturally from my body without any outside influence or knowledge of sexual context. It stayed with me and I was ashamed of it and tried not to think about it. But when the three little pigs got spanked in the cartoon, there was that feeling again. Bugs Bunny got spanked by a mama gorilla who thought he was her baby. I remember vividly each exposure to the subject. When I got married I wanted so badly to be spanked and I thought it was allowed then, so I summoned my courage and told my husband. It took years though. He was ok with it but he didn't do it right. For some reason I was only satisfied with a very specific method that I couldn't get him to understand so if we did engage it was mostly just frustrating for me. Fast forward 21 years. I'm divorced, extremely sexually aware and deprived, and I want to be spanked even more than I long for sex (I was divorced 2 years ago so I'm quite pent up, but if I got married tomorrow and had my choice I'd take a long, hard spanking first and sex later. But I am not getting married any time soon and my desires are making me crazy. I have dated and gotten cozy, but I don't consider it acceptable to indulge outside of marriage. I deal with depression, fatigue, single parenting, and a whole bunch of unfulfilled desires. I think maybe out of a desire to feel some kind of pleasure to combat my constant misery. Last week the image of the 3 Little pigs getting their very fun sounding hair-brush swats popped into my head. I found the video clip online and watched it, followed by hours of compulsive reading and viewing on the subject. I feel very weak--almost compelled to watch spankings. I cherish my sexuality and hope to be able to enjoy it again some day with a guy who hopefully doesn't think I'm weird or unwholesome when I tell him I've been bad and need a paddling. But until then, how do I force myself to give up the high and stop looking at spank ****? Real **** disgusts me. But it's hard not to accidentally see some. Any advice on how to kick my new habbit?

I have had a similar upbringing and i am a female and like to receive spankings. If you have found partners who are willing I don't think you should agonize over this. As long as the spankings remain safe, sane and consensual. I did worry a lot about tny own addiction and felt guilty and that something was wrong with me, although i did understand that this came from my strict Catholic upbringing. However, ten years ago i met someone with whom i can practice safely and now i accept it for what it is. The only problem really is that I only see this man about twice a year as we live in different countries but we are very close and keep in touch by email, phone etc. Trouble is there is no future for me with him and i think it has stopped me meeting someone I can share my life with. In fact i think that this whole addiction has sabotaged this part of my life.

The guilt is your number one problem. Look, obviously it wasn't your fault that these people beat you. It is normal reaction to want to live this out to come to terms with the immense trauma that this has caused you. But you should do it, get it out, but stop feeling guilty. You may want to find a therapist who helps addressing this problem in a way that will liberate you. That is certainly not someone who will tell you you are "perverse" or "addicted". Your soul has deep wounds, you are not to be blamed for them, you should not feel guilty about anything, including your urges or behaviors. May be you need to live them out with a partner who suffered similar trauma.

The problem is Im so conflicted about it. I enjoy it a lot but I think its bad for me and have a lot of guilt associated with it..

Sorry still figuring out this site.. didn't mean to delete your post!!

Oh and I am really sorry, I almost forgot that I wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about what you went through.