Just Married Two Days Ago...

I'm a twenty year old female, recently married to a twenty four year old male who mid-relationship joined the army and right this minute I'm in a hotel room in Georgia with him, spending the last 5 hours together watching him sleep, listening to him snore... =/ We were married at the court houses, last minute, Friday so that we can get the paper work through so I can travel with him to Korea this coming April for the next two years of our lives.  We had no sex on our f'n wedding night which I imagine should have been a given... he has never been sexual though. The first few months almost a year and a half ago we had decent amounts of sex (but I've had a few boyfriends who were ranked much better, Im more of a quantity person than a quality for the fact that no one but myself can get the job done) and as it fizzeled out and as all these new problems (marriage) started to arise (all over the course of 6 months or maybe more like 7 or 8 ) its now a joke to him, that we don't have sex.

Whether it be him shrinking away and laughing when I kiss his ear or neck...or if I touch him in certain areas he'll creatively make me feel unattractive, stupid, gross, and overly sexual...though I am. Please believe, to keep me happy, I'd take a good 6-10 times a day and wouldnt complain.

I always worry he's gay. He doesn't have too many mannerisms, but from a few details that he didn't deny, that I was told when we began have bothered me (playing gay chicken with his male friend and not backing down) plus his incredibly, super-man leveled low libido...he might as well be living on an island alone, I'm sure he'd be just as happy. So why would he marry me? I don't even provide any emotional support. I feel completely alone or that I'm most def going to hell... I have not considered emotions, i have put nothing but logic into the idea of us marrying, and now its happened... all I think about is sex and why I'm not having it.

Being faithful is the hardest part. I know by now I have a problem, I am an addict. But even if I weren't, even if I had a low libido, my husband would still be in the wrong. I've tried everything. I end up getting fancy for hours, then crying for hours, all that work for nothing. I've cried more than 60% of thsi relationship by myself as he sleeps. Even now. This happened tonight also.

The worst part is, he knows Im hard to get "done" and no one has ever, and he vowed to try when we first started dating and almost abrubtly gave up and it leaves me wanting to beat the sh*t out of him while he sleeps. Call it a little hostile but i feel cornered into a marriage based on celibacy and emotional support and I find that gross and boring and unpassionate and lonely.

Ive never been this lonely.

and everyone warned me, I can't even talk to anyone about it, I have absolutely no one. It would be another eye roll from a friend or family member who would say, well its a little late now. And it is. I'm going to shrivel up and die and hell be busy happily ************ to his ****.

Oh yes, thats the 2nd part...within the week ive been staying in this hotel, on his computer I've come across (hey im his wife, half of its mine, right??? ha) alot of amateur ****. One file was 2000 pics, ONE FILE. there are many more that he tried to trick me and delete so they were only shortcuts to nothing, but Im a computer whiz (of course he doesnt know that about me because he never listens to anything that matters, he only can recap the crap things that'll never help him or me) so I find all this, get a large night of run away bride over that (it was 2 nights or so before our marriage and i thought about driving the eight hours home to virginia and never answering my phone again as if we never met) ....wel it bothers me the girls not only look young but are all busty, when Im just a 32A and he has told me countless times that he thinks large breasts are gross "yea f'n right."

I've married someone I would never marry. This isn't me. Ive been against army men for the fact Im selfish and dependant and now im learning to travel great distances by myself, and how to cope being alone...those things I love, Im growing... but he doesn't even mean to teach it because he gives me no support.

The drive to GA with him in the passenger seat (I'd picked him up from north carolina, we met half way a week ago when his army friend brought my husband to a halfway point so I could see him, and so his friend could see his wife) and on the drive back up to GA (so he could be on base in time in fort gordon) I'd ask him for help with directions or ask him something involving some kind of help on the trip, well he was playing his little psp thing and would give me a short burst answer like Oh..I dont know. Sorry.

I can understand helping me to grow up by not being there, but when your right fn next to me, give a damn, please. Just try.

I look so, and feel so stupid for how apparent of a mistake I have made. Not just marrying him, but maybe the timing. I shouldn't have done it now. Nothing is resolved and Im sure as hell very unhappy. Ive never cried more than now. I didn't even cry this much back when I'd gone over my own rocky road in and out of institutions for an overdose back in highschool.

And talking to him ends in a joke (back to the sex), or when i brought up the doctor he doesn't seem to be too concerned. He feels as if hes in a comfort zone especially now with the marriage, but Im a very free spirit, Im young reckless, bipolar impulsive and i will drop him like a hat. Please help me.

muffincramps muffincramps
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 21, 2010

That is terrible D:

You deserve better, and some one who will love you (emotionally and physically). You should talk to him about it, and then file for a divorce.

You deserve the best. And he is not it.


I'm so sorry to tell you this... As a 36-year-old woman with a high libido, and a husband who has completely lost his own libido... I can honestly tell you (both from my story, and from reading the stories in the group "I Live in a Sexless Marriage")... you need to get out. Get free of this man who is wrong for you, NOW, while you're still young and childless. You can NEVER be happy with a man who won't have sex, and trust me, this guy will NEVER start wanting it.<br />
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Please don't waste years of your life on this situation. You deserve all the love and passion of a true partnership.