Half-Sister Out There, What Am I Supposed to Feel?

     I remember when I was around 9 (I'm 23 as of now in 2009) that my parents, mainly my dad had told me I had a half-sister through him with his girlfriend before he met my mom and married her in college. She's supposedly around four years older. It was so surreal and out of nowhere, and actually too much for my brain to process when they said it. I'm the oldest of my three brothers, so I actually forgot that was said until asked my dad about that memory before I joined the military 3 years ago.

     I kind of realized that it affects me in my thought process of what women I like. See, I'm ethnically an Asian-American, and I stay away from relationships with Asian women older than me. Especially scared that the chance meeting her, I'll feel the effects of GSA (Genetic Sexual Attraction) since I have been attracted to my older female cousins and in general. Or worried that she could care less. I do want to meet her, but I'm scared, I don't know where to begin the search. I feel like I'd have to hire to a private investigator and invade her space and privacy. I say this because I'm pretty sure or at least I think she knows about me and my other two brothers' existence. I feel like the move was hers to begin with. I feel like she may not want to be found.

     At first I felt maybe her mother and stepfather moved her far away and changed her name, maybe she's married now, maybe I passed her at an airport and said to myself I feel something or stared down some ugly girl, or checked her out at some point and at anytime that could have been her. I just know her mother purposely put distance from my dad, (he was a gang member) around that time and he had minimal contact through phone conversations about her with her mother unti l she was ten. I'm getting older, and so is she (at least I hope she's healthy, alive and happy, knock on wood pray to God), and I told my brothers about it (because they were never told and my dad has it as painful memory), and supposedly I think he took it the way I did at the age of 9; shocked and then forgot about it.

     How do I begin to find her, I feel I should make a move, but don't know how. And my worries, are they based in reality? Should I just ignore those worries of mine? I read Bananafone's story, and I feel if I wait any longer, I'll regret it later, as I've always felt that fantasy hollywood carefree movie attitude that we'd meet eventually through some weird twist of fate when I was younger, but now that I'm older, I know better to take steps. Has anyone out here been successful in tracking down their estranged/long-lost relative of some sort? How long did it take, did it go well?

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1 Response Mar 8, 2009

That's a tough one alright. Sometimes the past is best left alone. I guess it depends on the situation, you have to do what you feel is right and be sure you are ready to live with the consequences - whatever they may be.<br />
<br />
I recently attempted to re-establish contact with a sibling after a 30 year separation and it was not a happy hollywood ending. It wasn't anything like I had imagined it to be and the reality has been difficult for me to come to terms with.<br />
'Course every situation is different and your sibling might be more receptive than mine was and you'll never know if you don't try.<br />
I hope it works out for you :)