Life Of Frustration

My brother is 18, almost 19, I am 15, 16 in a few days. He has aspergers syndrome, and has been diagnosed for most of his life. I never understood what was wrong with him when I was little. My parents have never explained it to me, which probably added to my problems with him. Till I was like 12ish I didn't even know the name of what was wrong, till recently I didn't understand it, and I still am confused a little. Ever since I can even remember he has gotten the most attention from my parents. Everything has always been about him, doing things for him, him him him. I learned at a very young age to do everything for myself. Taught myself to read, tie my shoe, cook, tell myself when to do my homework. If I didn't no one would have. He was in therapy for a long time, he doesn't have it that bad, it was bad as kid but as he grew up he kinda learned to manage it. Now he doesn't need the pills to help him focus, but he still acts different. I've never gotten along with him, we have always fought and argued. He always beats me up and pushed me down, I have many scars from him. I really dislike him, and he has told me that it hurts his feelings but he doesn't even begin to understand how much he has hurt me, emotionally and phsically. He and my parents are always fighting and yelling. I would always go to my room and try to tune it out, but I never could. My dad would raise his voice then my brother would too, and then they are all yelling, and sometimes for hours. Everything always had to revolve around him and what he wanted to do. If he got an A in a class he got praised, but I get good grades all the time, I have mostly A's and I never get praised, I get yelled at for my bad grades, and he doesn't when he has worse. I might be talking in past tense some because he's in college now, and so it's not really an issue at the moment, but he's coming home this weekend and I know he will be the same as always and there will be yelling. Even now with him gone my parents don't pay much attention to me. Their attention has turned from him to themselves, which makes sense some because with him they also didnt get much attention, but neither did I and its the same for me still. I've grown used to the way things are, dont like them but I am used to it, so I think getting a lot of attention would be weird at this point. But maybe a little praise wouldn't hurt. No one I know understands what I feel. I complain about my brother to friends, but they don't understand it, they all have nice siblings, or normal siblings at least. My life has been controlled by him basicially. And I just wish my parents would understand how hard it was for me.
deleted deleted
26-30
5 Responses Nov 17, 2010

Having a sibling with Adperger's is very difficult. Equip yourself with information to understand his diagnosis & do as many things as you can that you enjoy. Don't rely upon your family's praise & find friends who will make you happy to be around. It is a tough road; but, focus on yourself & don't let it take your joy away. You deserve all success & happiness & never feel guilty about it.

I just read your story and am numb. I guess I was just thinking that my daughter was being selfish. I told her that I would try and find a support group for her (thinking that she would hear other stories and come to the realization that her brother is not like her and never will be and they would be able to get past the heartache). I only know from a parent's point of view so it is difficult to understand my daughter's. I would try to rationalize the stituation by saying "If your brother was mentally challanged or in a wheelchair, would you treat him this way?" Just because you can not see the disability does not mean that it does not exist. I think that my daughter would benefit from this site. Thank you for sharing your stories. It has really opened my eyes to this situation.

I think parents have to realise how difficult being a sibling of an Aspire is. The sibling is only a child and is not born equipped to understand their sibling's abnormal & sometimes hurtful behavior/ or why their patents are pouring so much more attention into the other child. They are made to feel guilty for having these feelings and about having success. Adperger:s is a family disease & can bejust as painful if not more for siblings

I totally understand you

I used to think I was very mean and a bad person because I felt rejection about my brother. But after reading people's stories on this site I realised my reaction to my brother is understandable taking into account what I've been through since I was a little kid.<br />
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Sending you all my support. You can make a life of your own the way you wished it had been. Once you go to college you will feel liberated in many ways

I have the same story. I'm 30 and brother 32. My case is worse because he didnt go to therapy until he was 26. He is very violent verbally. And to this day calls my parents names. I cant stand him. I havent spoken to him for the past 8 years.<br />
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There's always been yelling and fighting between my mom and my brother. Itmad me sick. And I've never met anyone with a family member with asperger so I felt so alone. In fact; no one in my family knows that my brother has asperger; i came to that conclusion but no one has ever mention that word. They dont even know what that is.<br />
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When I found this site a lot of things made sense. I us