The Invisible Child"You have to understand." "He is special." "He needs special treatement." "I'm sorry but I have to help your brother." "You need to act like the mature one and just deal with this." Sound familiar? I am nine years younger than my brother. He was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome before I was born. I get that he has to be treated special, but I have a hard time understanding all the rest.
One example is all the pain I have to go through. The physical things he does like push me or hits me seem easier to handle than the rest. The physical pain is only there for generally not too long, but then it turns into emotional pain. The emotional and mental struggles I have been going through have caused me to feel like I am going insane, and I mean it litterally. Even my parents contribute to this pain. They seem to hold me to a higher standard then my brother and even everyone else around me. Sometimes I feel like if I am not the best, then I have failed them. Whenever I do seem to "fail" is when I generally get more attention. Otherwise they either are trying to help my brother or be away from everything, which includes me. They hurt me even though it is unintentional, but that doesn't make the pain go away.
Another example that I have a hard time understanding is why there are all these helps for parents and people with aspergers, but siblings recieve hardly any help. This site was the only thing I have ever found I can vent to. I can't to my parents. I don't want to make matters worse for them or be anymore of a disappointment. I can't talk to my friends. They so do not understand, and anytime I have ever tried to talk to them about it, they change the subject. My family members outside of immediate all try to help my brother, and when I finally get noticed, they do not understand at all what it is to live with him. Then they try to give "words of wisdom" that only make me want to just not listen to them.
For a solution to everything, I try to shut myself in my room. The ony problem is most of my social skills are struggling because of this. Also my parents get mad at me for being in my room all the time, but it feels like my only escape. Though even when I escape to my room, my brother will come in constantly to get my attention, so even that isn't successful.
Do you ever feel invisible? Do you ever feel forgotten? Do you feel like no one understands? Do you feel like you can't live up to all your parents want you to be? Yeah, me too.
sampeace 16-17, F 7 Responses 0 Aug 4, 2011