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My Story

I have a brother two years younger than me with aspergers syndrome. When I started Primary School my brother would act really strange all the time. He'd have a really short temper and he'd be obsessed about one thing madly. Since he was only four we didn't care that he was really immature because all four year olds are crazy and silly. So we'd shake off any ideas.

But then when he was about seven and I was nine he was still acting like that except the symptoms were getting worse. On top of what he was like when he was younger he was a fussy eater he'd cry at something really tiny and he would act really weird. I used to have heaps of friends but then Sean came to the school and people started talking about him and me. Becuase I was the sibling of the weirdest person in school. He'd come up to me and embarrass me in front of all of my friends and then after my "friends" would start teasing me really meanly. I tried to tell my parents about what was happening except they'd just want me to be more mature about it and they'd say I was lucky to have a brother at all. They didn't care about how I was feeling. They were only worried about my brother. They didn't care if I was crying or anything.

From then on until now that I am 14 I lost my friends and I became really quiet at school. I got bullied a lot and I was too scared to tell my parents. I was saying to them that I had friends but my mum would always wonder why I never asked anyone over or anyone would invite me over but I had to make up these lame excuses. I got depression but I haven't told anyone. Sometimes I would feel so horrible that I would want to commit suicide.

At home my parents would favour my brother all the time and blame me for everything. He'd lie saying I did something wrong when I didn't do anything. he would cry all the time and he would do really gross things like pick his nose and eat it, he would go outside and take off his clothes so he was just in his undies and fly around with a cape pretending he was Captain Underpants. He takes little toys off the ground and starts sucking on them. he hits me all the time and once he broke my arm. Did my parents punish him? No. They'd congratulate him for saying sorry even when he didn't mean it. One day he licked water straight off the trampoline and he drinks out of the shower. And you don't want to know what he does when he goes to the toilet. He is 12 and he is getting even worse. Nearly every night I cry about it in my room and I have even been fake crying at school to get sympathy from someone for once. I ask what did I do to deserve this torture? Why me? Out of everyone in our school with normal brothers and sisters why me? I have begun to hate my parents and my brother and I don't love them anymore. I want to run away but I don't have anywhere to run to. Noone cares about me and noone understands. No matter how many people say they understand they don't. Not unless you have a sibling as bad as mine. But then you can't help because you will be stuck in the same situation as me. But then people with normal siblings could help if they understood. But they'll never understand no matter what because they haven't lived with a sibling like that and they will never know what it's like. Noone can help anyone like me. I hate my life and it's such a screw up. Since noone can help I'll be living like this for the rest of my life. I'm too scared about the future and all the time I've felt like I've been robbed of my life. I hate it so much.
Bexgirl Bexgirl 13-15, F 5 Responses Jan 23, 2012

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My brother has Aspergers. He's SO immature. He has to have EVERYTHING done for him. His laundry, his packing, his homework, his schoolwork. He is the grossest person I know. He picks his nose and eats it, I can seriously SMELL my brother's room stench from the hallway when his door is shut, he goes to the bathroom with the door open, he takes a crap and doesn't wipe and leaves it there to rot until the entire bathroom reeks of it and then I have to go in there to flush the toilet, he doesn't bathe; he just leaves the water running for 3 hours while he plays on the iPad 2, which was taken away from him but he stole back, he NEVER wears clean clothes, he doesn't wear deodorant, he never shaves the 13 disgusting hairs that grow out of his face, he takes food into his room and then lets it rot for 3 months, his hair is extremely greasy, and he seriously hasn't brushed his teeth in a year. He's really annoying and carries on conversation topics way too long, he throws fits before he "showers", he throws fits before he takes his medicine, he throws fits whenever he's told to do the simplest of tasks, which he will go hide in a closet for a few minutes and then come back and say it's done, he comments excessively while I watch stuff on T.V. and has a hissy fit if I shush him, but when he's watching a movie, if I so much as clear my throat, he throws a hissy fit. So I feel your pain. So you're probably thinking "Wow, that is SOME little brother you've got there." But you're wrong. He isn't my younger brother, he's four years older than me. He has a 17 year old's body with a four year-old's brain. And he's really tall and bigger than me, and whenever he gets mad at me, he hits me. So yeah. But what you have to remember that Aspergers is a type of autism, so they're technically retarded. And my brother is bullied. Yours probably is too. I'm just saying you should be more sympathic to him, but I feel your pain.

thanks guys for your support. I really appreciate you commenting and I will try to use your advice as best as I can. It's good that there are still some nice people in the world. Thanks

Hi, Bex. I think that Mistygrey gave you some incredibly good advice that is quite accurate. My brother is 2 1/2 years younger than me and - from the time I was a little girl - I knew something wasn't right with him. I made friends easily as a child, but the same was not true for him. At first, I figured that perhaps his isolation from everyone else was simply due to him being shy. He also cried a lot easier than other kids, but I still thought maybe that was just his personality. As we went through elementary school, however, I definitely noticed his extreme quirks and odd behavior. He soon became the "weird kid" at the school and I was the "weird kid's" sister. I was fortunate enough to have very loving parents, but they did not know what was wrong with him and it was clear to me, even though I was young, that his behavior stressed them out a great deal. I didn't really ever feel like I had anyone that I could talk to about it. It wasn't always easy, either, to be made fun of because of my brother's actions. I made the choice to focus very hard on the positives in my life, regardless of the ever present negatives that having a brother like that created. It was not always easy, and there were definitely some tears, but I really focused on what it was that made me happy and found a way to have some "me" time. Don't get me wrong...i STILL struggle to this day with the whole "it's not fair", "why me" mentality. I always wondered why I got stuck with an abnormal brother when all of my other friends had "normal" siblings. They could have a normal relationship with their brother, and I couldn't. Middle school and high school were the most difficult times for me since at that age pretty much EVERY one gets bullied for one reason or another. A lot of times we are so busy focusing on our own hurt that we don't realize that there are a lot of other kids around us in the same boat we are. One thing I did in high school was to walk a different route between class changes so that I would not pass him in the hallway. People who aren't in this situation might think that this is incredibly cruel, but honestly it just provided me with a much needed mental break from a situation that was constantly on my mind. Keeping my anger toward my brother in check was something else that really helped me. We had no idea even then what was wrong with him, but I was smart enough to know by then that - whatever it was - he on some level could not help it. I thought about how I at least had the ABILITY to make real friendships and relationships, while he didn't really have that option...or at least it would not come as easy for him. I focused in earnest on my studies because I wanted to go to a good school and do something with my life. There were times when I thought maybe my parents loved him more than me, but honestly they were doing the best they could in what was a very stressful situation. He was not diagnosed with Asperger until he and I were in our twenties. That is a long time to have no idea what on earth was wrong with my brother!!! The REASON for the diagnosis was because I happened to be taking a class where this topic was covered. All of the signs and "symptoms" of Aspergers were a dead ringer for my brother. I called both of my parents and it took several months before I convinced them that he needed to be seen by someone who could officially diagnose him. This information would have been a godsend to our family had we known when he was a lot younger, but sometimes that's just the way life works out. <br />
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What I have definitely learned is that some people, no matter what, will bully and judge others. As hurtful as it is, we just have to move on from that. There are some actual decent people in the world, and I was lucky enough to have a small circle of friends in school who cared about me regardless of my "weirdo" brother. Those are the kind of people you need to surround yourself with - the others are honestly unhappy with themselves and take it out on people to make themselves feel better. They are ridiculous, and you should not ever waste your time on them. The advantage that you have over me is that you are armed with information on your brother's condition. Not only did I not know what he had when I was in middle school and high school, but there was no google or internet for me to look these things up. If there were, I could have directed some of the people who were quick to ridicule to a simple website. A lot of times people make fun of what they don't understand. When they DO understand, it can make a difference.<br />
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Good luck to you. Don't give up hope that things will improve, because they definitely will. :-) Please talk to someone - ANYONE - so that you can get the emotional support you deserve and need. I will be sending some positive thoughts your way. :-)

It must be hard at your age to be seen as different to everyone else because of the way your brother behaves and parents sometimes forget how difficult it could be when they were growing up, but always remember, your whole life won't be ruined because of this. It WILL get better as you get older and have more freedom. When you leave school, the world will open up new opportunities to you where you'll meet new people who are interested in you. They won't know about your brother and even if they did, it wouldn't bother them. That's how you need to be thinking about yourself now. YOU are the one you need to focus on. The few years you have left before you leave school will pass quicker than you think they will and if you focus all your attention on your brother you won't have given any of your attention to what it is that you want from life, what kind of job you'd like to have, whether you'd like to go to university etc....Have you spoken to any of your teachers about what's bothering you? Even if it's not possible for either yourself or your brother to go to another school, they might have some ideas about how the situation with your brother at school could be made easier for you and get something done about the bullying. <br />
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Good luck, Bex, I'll keep my fingers crossed that things improve for you soon :)

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