Never Diagnosed, Never Admission Of A Problem

My brother is in his late thirties. I am a year younger. Growing up, he was always different. He was the smartest person in the room from first grade on, including his teachers. But with his brilliance comes a price. The extreme social awkwardness. The "little professor" who wouldn't shut up, who wouldn't understand the level of the audience he was talking to.

I have read story after story on this board. The feelings of embarrassment at school. Getting teased for having a weirdo brother. I feel like I was reading about my childhood time and again. As a teenager, I felt guilty being ashamed of him, yet angry too. My friends had normal sibling relationships and I did not. He would annoy the hell out of me. We'd get into fights and no doubt exhaust my parents. Time and again I perceived them as always taking his side. They would bring to him outings and gatherings where many of my peers would be, and it became so embarrassing that i would stop going. I would play at other friends houses but never at my own. When we weren't bickering nonstop he'd be in his room on his computer.

He has never been diagnosed with aspergers. But he fits the diagnosis to a tee. He is certainly high functioning as he went to college and has a good job. But even at his age now, he is still so awkward. Talking out of turn, rambling on about things in technical terms no one cares about. My feelings of anger have been replaced with feeling bad for him.

We do not have a relationship of any kind other than holidays. I feel this rift has indirectly made my relationship with my much younger other non-asperger sibling strained, as I am distant with him because that's just what I was accustomed to growing up. I have no one to blame but myself for letting that happen.

I see good relationships my friends have with siblings and feel sad. I go to weddings and wouldn't want him in my wedding party, forget about the best man.

I wish my parents had talked about him to me growing up. But I think they're in denial. It's always about how "smart" he is and how no one understands. If they had admitted to me he had problems, I probably would have been less difficult dealing with him and them. Instead of admitting his issues, it was always more about how persecuted my brother was by his teachers, classmates, etc. Why couldn't they realize the reason people didn't get him was because he annoyed the hell out of them all the time?

I'm glad to know I'm not the only person who has gone through this. I just think it's sad I've accepted this situation will never change for the better.

Aberdeen999 Aberdeen999
2 Responses Oct 20, 2013

I hear you.

I feel the same was. Had a very si.Pilar expierence growing up & still as a pregnant 35 yr old. Tired of having to feel sorry for my sister for my every accomplishment or having to feel guilty Amy time I request time or attention from my mother who is always overwhelmed. My Mom continues to blame the world/ resent all successful/ non-Asperger'd people for not understanding my sister. -Colonia NJ