At 35, have only recently come to the full realization and understanding that my older sister had A; and up until then, I was hurt & confused by her inappropriate & sometimes nasty behavior(snide remarks, poor grooming, anti-social behavior)...I fluctuate between guilt, depression & acceptance. I have to now constantly remind myself that she has a disorder & try to find way to deal with the lack of parenting I received because of the energy she required. It is hard for me not to resent her BC I feel her behavior escalated my father:sdrinking & eventual early death at 42. It's difficult because she acted indifferent towards him & my Grandfather who I adored. I am now pregnate & my Mom is devoting even more time and energy to her then ever. I have come to the point that I accept that my family will never really be available to me. I have reached a point of exhaustion with the all-take relationship with her. I pray my mother will sign her up for SSI, find her an apartment & stop pouring all of her energy into her. She is a bottomless pit. She doesn't seem to enjoy interacting with any of us anyway; so, I just pray she can find companionship of other Aspires who she might find more comfort with/ less resentment towards. I just want my mother back from the black hole I feel my sister creates.
jills24 jills24
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 17, 2014

I really connect with this. Don't feel guilty about your needs and your feelings. You have your own little family on the way and you can start again. It's hard not to imagine how things would have been if your sibling had been neurotypical but those are always hypotheticals. Create you own loving, nurturing world and keep connecting with those of us put her who get it.

Wow...that must be rough! Be diplomatic, your mom is sheltering your sister so she don't have to feel the loss of your dad. I am sure it's an exhausting circus act with your sister and your still left out. Go and create your family and New friends with New moms in your future. Your going to be ok. Just accept that your mom would feel guilty if she let her go!