It's Getting Bad Again

I am a 16 year old girl and have only one sibling at all. His name is Jake and he's 19 now. He was diagnosed with severe Autism and mental retardation not too long after he was born. We both had a pretty dark/traumatic childhood.
I go through a lot of cycles. It can be hard to genuinely love someone that hurts you and isn't really even there. I found out a few years ago(my mom was talking to one of her friends and I overheard) that when I was a baby my brother almost smothered me to death with a pillow. I also am kinda afraid of water, a big factor being he's almost drowned me 3 times.
Things got so much better for a while though. Little things still made me angry. Doing my make up in that safety glass mirror that was warped because he smashed the real one. Looking at the shelf where something else he broke used to sit, but for the most part he was happy and not violent. He's always pretty out of it though. If you ask how old he is he'll give a slurred response of five.
I don't really know what's changed again... A little over a week ago he got mad and punched me in the face pretty much ripping out one of my lip piercings(I have snake bites). Let me just say that's a pain I've never felt before. I was REALLY mad and did some mean things... I'd walk past him and whisper "Mommy and Daddy don't love you anymore, they're gonna send you away." He'd freak out or not process what I said, and I know it's still horrible, but I was pretty upset.
Not even a week ago something else happened. I have no doorknob(he broke it [yeah, process that]) I was kinda depressed and all I did was sit in my room and paint. It's the only thing that really made me happy. He got mad at my parents and came into my room. I stood up and he stomped on all of my paints. Then he punched me in the shoulder, threw me on the ground and kicked me in my chest and ribs. My parents pulled him out and I just laid there and cried for a bit.
I'm 16 1/2 and in a special school program, so that I'm a college student instead of high school. Things in my house are getting too hard to take... I'm thinking about moving out but I don't really have a sure place to go :(
Yes this story is already on here, I had an old account as Voodoogirl308, my age got messed up and I wasn't ok with it, so... yeah.
Voodoogirl309 Voodoogirl309
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 8, 2012

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My heart goes out to you. I'm sure that your parents are trying to support and protect you as best as they can, and I hope that things get easier for you. Everyone deserves to feel safe in their own home. Would it be possible for you to take self defense classes? I know it would be hard to have to use them, but your safety is just as important and you could learn restraints as well. I hope that things get better for you soon.

Hey, I'm 15, I also have a brother with severe autism. He's 22. I read this and it made me glad to relies I'm not alone. A lot of stuff has been going on in my family, regarding my brother and its affected us all heaps. When my brother gets angry he grabs onto you and Won't let go. He pulls my hair, I rember once he ripped one of my t shirts fair off me. In one hit. I guess somtimes it feels like nothing's ever gonna change huh? It will. Life's bound to treat us good in the long run. You should be proud of yourself for growing up with your brother. Not many people understand just what it's like to be the sibling of someone with autism. Actually I think it's somthing only a sibling can understand. It's such a unique case, and it creates a whole bunch of new feelings. Feelings that our friends will never feel. I know it seems like no body knows, but I do. I hope things get better for you xx