My Lost Connection

my brother was diagnosed with autism before i was born, i never really knew the difference even though it was clear, i had i very strong connection with him, it was if i was the only one who could get through to him or understand him as the doctors said he would never speak, if he wanted something i always somehow knew what he wanted. one night after my mom tucked us both in and turned off the lights, i started playing around and turned the light on and off, thats when my brother said slowly "gregory close your eyes and go to sleep". i then heard crying round the corner< it was my mom in tears of joy. i was the first person he had ever spoken to. we became inseperable, but this of course had a bad effect on my school work as i wanted to be like my brother, socially it made me feel very in insecure around other people as no one ever understood, kids would tease him and i was always the one who came home crying, so my parents sent me off to boarding school where it was very hard to keep that bond i had as i grew up and he virtually stayed the same age. its hard to tell people that i feel like everyone is watching when i am in public with him, even harder having to try keep him clothed, i don't want to feel responsible anymore, i want to move on with my life, im not sure if anyone has ever had cover up a 24 year old man while other people look at you like your a complete freak.
gregkentgens gregkentgens
1 Response Jan 13, 2013

I know exactly how you feel, my older sister got diagnosed before I was even born. I knew what she wanted even if she wouldn't use her voice, but somewhere deep down it felt wrong being the "older" sibling when I'm with her, I protected her from bullies when we were in the same school, and I still keep an eye on her if we're in the city shopping or whatever. It something no one can understand except us who were born into this situation.