Two

 I have a sibling with Autism. He is six and controls every aspect of my life. I also have a twin brother with Asperger's. I am the only "normal" one out of the three of us and because of this a lot of responsibility is pushed on to me. I do love my brothers. I feel a strong need to protect them, but at the same time I sometimes with they would disappear. I am a sophomore in high school and I am in the IB program, which is very demanding. My parents focus all of their attention on my brothers. I'm often left to myself and the only interaction I get with my parents is if they are scolding me or asking me to watch my youngest brother. We don't interact as a family. It is always about the needs of my brothers and I understand we can't have it any other way...they just require more attention then "normal" kids. I remember before my youngest brother was born we used to play games as a family, go on trips, and have fun without stress or worrying that someone is going to have a melt down. My twin, has very mild Asperger's. He has trouble in large groups of people and understanding other's feelings. I feel he is more my brother than my autistic brother is. Whenever I feel stressed or I have a problem, my parents say, "Well you can get by! Your brothers cannot!" I know that I am more "able" than my brothers, but I need some attention too. I have done everything by myself. All of my difficult school work, cooking for myself, researching colleges and applying, everything. I have no help from my parents even when I ask. I often go to my friend's house to escape. My mom is so moody and stressed because of autism. She often lashes out on me because she is so frustrated. I am screamed at for every fault because she can't say these things to my brothers. In public, I want to run away. It is so embarrassing. And I know that I shouldn't care what other people think, but I do. More power to the people who don't say it matters. Screaming screaming constant screaming. I thought I would be numb by now. Any teenager with an autistic sibling knows how hard it is to study with screaming and running in to walls, pounding on doors, and stimming. It drives me insane. I just feel I am overlooked.

lillievas lillievas
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 15, 2009

I understand how you feel. I too am I sophomore in high school and an AP student. I have three autistic brothers. Two with severe retardation and one with mild autism. I always get ignored by my family. I can never talk to them because one of my brothers is having a fit or needs something. My mom demands that I help her out even when I'm completely bombarded with school. I always feel like I need to get away. But I can't. I get tired of knowing that my family really doesn't care about me. They only care about my autistic siblings and my mom has even told me to my face that she loves them more than me, because they need her more. I'm sorry that you have to experience that. It gets hard having to feel like your life is dominated by your autistic family. I can't say I have any advice for you, because I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it myself. Just know that you're not the only one and someone else knows what it's like and someone else cares that you have to go through that.

i understand how you feel completely,Im 18 and have a 9year old brother with autism, i never felt that need for attention though :/ But sometimes i do imagine how easier it would be if my brother wasnt around, i feel horrible and sick for thinking these things because i love him dearly, but it crosses my mind when im trying to sleep and hes banging things (stimming) or yelling continuously, or when he makes Wal-Mart seem like mission impossible. I fantasize about the fun i would have if i didnt have an "autistic" brother, not just for me but for the benefit of him and my mom also. I just graduated highschool a couple of months ago and unlike my friends i stayed behind to help my family.I have a wonderful attentive mother nonetheless.:) But the best advice i could give to you is to go for your dreams because unlike my situation your two brothers have two parents to take care of them when your out of highschool you will be free to do what you want (at least you should be) My mother is a single parent(my brothers father doesnt do anything) so I am like the second parent :")