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Never Coming Home?

I just had an update at the nursing home my wife is living at, I thought temporarily, and found out she is so ill she will never be able to come home. :(  Just got off the respirator a few weeks ago but they cant remove the trake tube.  She can't get up out of bed.  And shes lost about 1/3 of her mental facilities. 

All this form a combination of Lupus, smoking and allot to do with the fire she started in our house with oxygen and cigarettes.

I dont know how to feel.  I've already grieved when she had a few seizures and many health complications three years ago.  Then after the fire didn't even think she was goign to make it. 

So now no mom for my 12 year old not to mention no spuse and a boat load of fiancial issues.  Well at least we're moving back to our firehouse this Saturday (thats what I refer to my hosue as the one we left temporarily).  Thats my life could be worse I guess.
French378 French378 51-55, M 2 Responses Apr 23, 2012

Your Response


I do remember you commenting. I think you questioned whether I still loved her or not. I think I will always live her but am not in love with her.<br />
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But now it's a matter of her living her life there . And it's a different type of pain now. I guess it was my pAin before now it's hers? It's a confusing type of emotion.<br />
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Do you have a sick spouse also?

I think i read your story some time back. You were thinking of leaving your wife right? I made a comment about it and you said you'll have a think about it. You remember what it was I said?

I found your response. Kind of move on would be best was the jest of it I believe. I suppose this makes it easier for me but almost more painful I think. I'm so confused I don't know what to think. I greatly appreciate your input though, thx.

Yea. Leaving someone is a big change, which is why its so scary. Any change is scary. We're too comfortable with the now, even if it makes us miserable. And your conscious probably wont rest well if you leave a sick wife, even if she did some bad stuff in the past.

Its all up to you. Ultimately the goal in life is to have no regrets in the end. Think about that when you make your decision.... and can feel like a very long time if you're miserable

Well actually now the decision to leave her has been taken away from me. She can never come home they tell me so I am kind of absolved of having to make that decision. I now have no choice but to move on. It makes me feel a little guilty that it's kind of what I want but I would never have wished this on her.