The Doctors Don't Know What Is Wrong With Him........

It has been a long 3 years. About 2 months before our third child was born(only girl) my husband became sick. He has been in and out of the hospital every month since. I went from being a stay at home mom to a full time employee, nurse for my hisband and mother to our 3 kids. (10yr, 6yr, and 3yr old) I have had to be strong for so long. our finances have gone and our kids are showing signs of stress do to my husband being sick. The doctors think he has a Pheocrytoma but they can not locate it. The doctors keep searching but they cant explain anything. So far the have fornd Baretts esophagus, hernias, diverticulitus, diverticulosis, endreanil indefisincy, scaring in his lung, spot on his liver, pancreantitus and gallblader has been removed. he has high blood pressure and sometimes his blood sugar goes up and sometimes it is dow. On Monday he is being placed back in the hospital under the care of a new doctor. I love my husband and my family but I am having a very hard time saying that I like my husband. Last summer i had to place him in rehab because of all the pain meds he was on. And now...i am seeing the same problems. He is on 14 different medications. All my kids are seeing is thier daddy laying in bed stoned out of his mind. I checked his pill count and he was short. I confronted him about this and ofcorse "i was wrong" he clams not to be over taking on purpose. I tend to believe him. Also, on a side not, i have learned to be independent. I work with special needs children foour days on and four off. I work 15 hour shifts. I spend more time with my co-workers then m husband. I feel so bad because i enjoy my co-workers more then him. I have been thinking about how much different my kids life and mine would be if ......if i made a change. I am so confused. I feel so lost and scared. Some days i wake up praying for God to let this all be over. The man passed out in my bed is not the man I married or love. I feel that i have lost my husband. Is it wrong to pray for his suffering to be over with so We can get on with our lives? I have never ever thought about cheating on him or leaving him until we got a new co-worker at work. He is everything I want in a man and as a father to my children. He is only a friend and has not ever hinted at anything other then that...but i cant help but think about him. He makes me laugh and feel safe. Last weekend we had a da of fishing and shooting at my parents property and he showed up. About two hours in my husband went home and took his pills. I stay behind with friend. It was so great to see my children interacting with a man who was not stoned. Am I a horrible person to be feeling this way? It seems that since the last med change with my husband, I cant stand his smell or his touch. I am trying so hard to get through this. I pray these feelings pass soon. I want to desire my husband again. Does anyone have an input??
safe01 safe01
3 Responses May 19, 2012

I know this is hard thats my problem but I have four adult kids and cant let go they keep me going but drive me crazy I m 43 and my husband had a massive stroke 5 years ago it is very hard he is 47 now and I am so lonely confussed but yet very blessed.

Hi, I know the feeling. My situation isn't the same as yours. My husband is anti-drug but lays in bed in pain just the same. I dream of being with other guys but would not do that. I too had a new male co-worker crop up at my office whose friendly, good-looking and spends a lot of time with me but he's immature and I have no interest in him romantically or any other ways. But I know that this is not what we expected in a marriage. We're these big time care-takers but we're not super human and need to take care of ourselves. We have needs and feelings and there's nothing to be ashamed of for having them. I wish us all the best of luck.

I do. I'm going through the same thing. Im 24 years old and engaged to my soulmate. But like your husband, he's been in and out of hospital for years. He also had his gallbladder removed, hernias, even stomach virus at the moment. I cant remember the last time we sat together and had a romantic meal and a heartfelt talk. I can completely relate to you story. I also feel angry some days, and i even resent him. I have also thought of the possibility that he could simply be making this all up in order to get attention! I may not be able to give you the best advice, but at least i can tell you that you're not alone. Perhaps this is meant to test us. Don't give up just yet ;)