I Am The Sick Spouse

and i feel so guilty about everything I've put my wife through in the last 12 years.  I've been dx'ed with a brain tumor that just keeps coming back, on top of that depression, ptsd, financial crisis etc....i can't think about it anymore, let alone write right now.

EDIT:  OK feeling guilty about it isn't going to change it or help anything, I have to change what I want to change.  I'm truly amazed that she has not left me - I'm not even good for cutting up and selling as spare parts on the black market.  I do think of suicide many times as a solution to our financial problems that I caused, the only thing stopping me are my two boys who need a dad.  What to do?  I'm not living one day at a time, i haven't yet managed one minute at a time.

I can't think straight anymore - six weeks of high dose external radiation to my brain has really fried my circuits.  maybe in a month or so I might start to feel better.  or not.  I don't really care anymore. 

notalostcause notalostcause
36-40, M
Mar 9, 2010