Two Parts of a Whole

I feel like I have two parts of me. But only one ever shows up in front of anybody. That's because I don't want them to get upset or be sympathetic. And I don't want them to get hurt by what I trulely think and want to say. I always bottle the sadder, lonleier true side up. And it hurts. It hurts my soul, but I do it anyways for the sake of other people. I suppose that putting up fake smiles is a great way to do so. It's just so very hard, but to see the smiles on other peoples' faces, for me, it sort of pays off. But just a little. To go through a lifetime of pain, suffering, lonelyness, no, that would not be worth it. And of course it still isn't. But what exactly am I supposed to do? Tell everyone off? I don't think so! I adore seeing people happy and smiling. It's just...I wish I could do that too. Be trulely happy and smile a real smile. That is what I long for.
ROCKjunki42 ROCKjunki42
18-21, F
Oct 23, 2007