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Unwanted Family

My 34 year old brother just remarried for the second time last november. When we first met Brandy 2 1/2 yrs ago, we all loved her, including my mom. We saw how much more happier he was than the last wife. He neglected to tell us until the end of his 2 yr first marriage how bad it was. So things were just great. Then we lost my 66yr old mother unexpectedly September 2009. All five of us (her children) still deal with the grief. and Brandy was there for my brother and family during that terrible time. But two years ago my best friend of 35yrs asked me what I thought of Brandy. At that time, I said she was great. My friend thought there was something not right about her. I blew it off. Then immediately after my mom died things started to change. She became very controling with things and giving her opinions when it wasn't warranted. Then my younger sister, who was my best friend, stopped hanging around me for months and latched on to Brandy. Me and my husband weren't invited over to my brother's house as much anymore either. My younger sister and i also had a fight in the summer and didn't speak for two months. Brandy constantly had my sister over and never me. The favoritism was showing and it was causing sibling wars. Then my sister's mother in law commented to me that she too lost the relationship with my sister when Brandy came into the picture. Brandy also befriended my sister's boss, and hangs out with her and my sisters other friends, even without my sister there. My sister didnt have a problem with it, but i felt it was weird. Like Jim Carey "Cable Guy" weird. Finally, a week before the wedding.my brother pushed me to tell him why i seemed not to like brandy so I finally told him by email. Bad timing, and i regret answering him, but I gave him answers and he didn't like them and now he hasn't spoken to me since the wedding (3 months ago). Same with Brandy who was upset about the email. Also, my younger sister, who Brandy seems to have poisoned. So I sent brandy an invitation to sit down one on one with me and talk about the email and put closure on it. First she told me off, then agreed to sit down with me. That was a month ago and im still waiting to here from her. The more I think about it the more I dislike her. She's ruined my family and acts like she's Mrs. Social Butterfly and does nothing wrong. Do I just move on in my life with my husband and kids and forget my brother, younger sister and brandy?

IRRITATED

getridofbrandy getridofbrandy 36-40, F 4 Responses Mar 1, 2010

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I have been through a similar situation. I have a brother who married another woman 30 days after he divorced his beautiful wife of 10 years. This other woman he married was only 19 and he was about 30. He asked me to get to know her, but I refused, because he was still married to his first wife. This young lady, was too eager to get him all divorced and married to her. She was also twisting Bible sc<x>riptures to get him to marry her. He called and told me her interpetation on the sc<x>riptures concerning marriage and my mouth dropped. How could he allow her to influence him this way, since he grew up in the church. I think folks will justify anything to do and get what they want. He finally married this girl against advice of the family. Once the 19 girl was married then she came back to get her revenge on the family members that advised him not to. She made sure she kept my brother from participating with his family all these years. It has been 10 years now. Oh, don't get me wrong we can visit him, but he can never visit us. We can visit him as long as we are on her turf, where she gets to determine the rules of engagement. And still, we wanted peace with her, but she keeps the grudge going. I think the best thing to do is to leave your brother, sister and sister in law to their distorted relationship. I think it is important to remain at a distance. Let that warped connection they have do its work. You cannot reason with a family "bully" and I think especially a female family bully. If you use normal relationship skills of reasoning, it is seen as a weakness to the bully. I am also thinking that her behavior is reflecting a certain belief about you. I think maybe there is something she resented about you all along. It is very close to envy. I think that she might feel she has to have control over your brother and all his close relationship to be secure about the relationship. Your poor little sister is being infiltrated and does not even know it. She had honed in on your sisters weakenesses and now has crossed her boundaries by getting into her social and work life connections. She knows what she is doing. That is very dangerous for your sister. Please, with this kind of person, keep your distance. Even if you all should kiss and make up, always keep your eyes on her and maintain distance. Because this is deliberate behavior and the "I am sorry", most likely is not meant the way you believe it should. Yes, continue building your family up. Yes concentrate on your husband and children. Never let her to close to them. I think with this behavior your sister and law is exhibiting over time will be found out by your brother and sister.

I'm confused. Have you spoken to (or initiated conversation) with your younger sister about why she's seemingly shunning you? Do you know Brandy very well by now or are you pre-judging her (just asking, I don't know). I actually have a very simulate family member (the stepmother) who loves causing drama and has turned my siblings against me by poisoning them. So I understand that aspect. I don't think it's too late to get your family back...do you?

You are right. Unfortunately I dont have much of a choice. It kills me that I lost my mom and now Im going to lose half my family to someone that is two faced and succeeded in destroying what I had to have for herself.

sometimes we have to break family ties none of us want to do it but sometimes it is best, sometimes death brings family together and sometimes it tears them apart, and someone who love to cause trouble and discontent is best avoided