Hidden Son

For most of my life I have accepted that I am a gay male and happy these days to accept this. In my youth though I was happy to have relations with both men and women (and still to this day admire women and their bodies just not sexually). Back in the late 70's I was a very popular DJ at a local in Sydney and had many hangers on. One of these girls I had a relationship for awhile and enjoyed it immensely. She fell pregnant and I was like as happy as a pig in mud but was concerned how the family (aunts and uncles very conservative) as well as how my mum would take it. Sadly we struggled with our relationship but were best of friends and stuck by each other whilst the pregnancy took it's course. I never told my mum as I was now in a relationship with a bloke (that's another story in itself) and though mum I do not think picked up on this, I am sure she wondered. The crux of this story is that my mum passed suddenly and 3 hours later my son was born. Was a happy and sad day to say the least. I visited the hospital to identify my mother then went and saw my son and signed all the appropriate papers. As I said we were good mates. I have never told my family of his existence to this day and sadly I have not seen him since he was a baby as the day after when I went back to the hospital she was discharged and took my son and moved to the gold coast with a cop she had been seeing (this I had not known about). I will be the first to admit this was the worst week of my life. I ran into her 8 years later and she showed me a photo of him but asked I stay way as he was not aware of his current dad not being his real one. He was sent to a private school and being looked after, what more could someone want. I could never tell my family even though I am an only child and both my parents are deceased, if back then I had mentioned it I know they would have forced the issue and tried to get the child back (they had done it before with another family member sadly). I know that I am on his birth certificate but believe he has grown up not knowing about me and if he was ready or wanting to, he would find me I am sure and happy to leave it this way. Curiosity sometimes make you think on how he looks now he is 32 and is he married etc etc but as he has not been a part of my life, I feel it not necessary to chase it. I suppose once I have passed, my family will know the truth as I have covered this in a letter to my aunts and uncles etc when I go (those that are still living). Thank you for reading it was nice to get that off the chest.
tsv01 tsv01
46-50, M
2 Responses May 8, 2012

Your son and I are the same age. I can't help but think he has been cheated out of knowing the truth that you are his real father. How is he suppose to find you if he dosent even know you exist? It was a horrible thing what your sons mother has done. Regardless of how bad off or even how good someones life is going I believe they of should know the truth of who there parents are.

I thank you for your reply it is much appreciated. As in my story I am on his birth certificate as his father and this has not changed. He has grown up I would believe knowing a man as his father and I would only hope that has always been a very happy a loving relationship. When and if he is ready, I am sure he will be able to track me down. His mother is aware of where my family are as they have never moved from the area. Thank you again for your comment.

Wow amazing story yet so sad, I can only imagine how you must feel. Thank you for sharing.

Thanks for the comment mate. At the time and for many years later it was tough but 32 years on you think about it every so often but in reality you only hope they have had a good life.