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I guess I am lucky in the sense that my husband doesn't transition often. But when something does happen it is huge. Most recently was last summer. It was his mother who abused him physically, mentally and now we believe sexually. We went back to his hometown where his mother lives to get his brother and drive him back down to where we live. He was getting the abuse since my husband left when he was 15. Unknowing to me for three months, my husband was not there. His alter mimic (named that because he can mimic any of the other alters to almost perfection). I had no idea he had transitioned , he even had Sam (the mother figure) fooled, she said she had no idea it wasn;t him,he must have switched while he was helping his brother pack in his childhood home. He came to a day after my birthday in august and it was two weeks of trying to explain to him all that happened over the past few months. Getting him time off on such short notice was a pain too because he didnt want to explain what happened but for that much time his manager wanted a reason. That has been the worst of all the things that have happened while I have been with him. Besides that I was gone through a hospitalization, and a new alter emerging. I don't regret being with him, and I honestly have no problems with him having DID. The only thing I wish I could do is when he comes come depressed and wanting to kill himself, all I can do is sit there and listen, nothing I say helps. We have talked about integration but we are both undecided on it, my whole thing is him having to go through all the memories that have been repressed. And also he would lose a part of his family in a way I guess, the alters know more about him then he would ever tell me. I know he has trust issues so when he doesnt want to tell me something I accept it, and I never push for an explanation. There is just so much to explain, I do have a friend that he has told about his disorder that I can talk to and she kind of understands since she has a mental disorder as well. My mom will listen to him and me but I know she doesnt understand how it all works. He has a total of 8 alters, we both see psychologists who sepcialize in, we do individual and couple counseling. I just wish I could do more for him, I hate to see him in pain, he has been having these recurring dreams where he is being sexually abused by his mother, he has no memory of this, and he will not tell his psychologist because he doesnt trust her, it took him 3 months to finally tell me. I do not want to lose his trust so I will not go behind his back and tell her myself. He said he cannot tell if it is just a nightmare or a memory. I know the answer to that, there is a very high chance that it is a memory, but I do not know how to tell him. I guess it is just nice to get it out, sorry it was so random and bouncy i have had these things on my mind for a couple of weeks now,

jessikus jessikus 26-30, F 4 Responses May 4, 2010

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Going back to your husbands home town and actually being with his Mother,his abuser. His protectors would never allow him to actually be with her. So glad you both in threapy this condition is way to big and complicated for anyone to deal with without threapy. I really wish you everything of the best as I know and understand this is no easy road to travel.

Do you have any advice for dealing with an alter that is unaware? Vincent told Trayus that it is up to him to convince Lull (whose full name we discovered is Lassalle). This sounds ridiculous, but knowing that he can find two of his four alters in his mind and speak to them at will, transition into one of them at will, it does sound possible. He can feel Lassalle, has heard him, but hasn't found him yet. I just. . . how do I explain why I am always there and protective and why he will always come to wearing a wedding ring, ect?<br />
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His mother really wants a therapist involved. . . I'm not sure its for the best just get, not without giving the alters a heads up and letting them know it is not a threat (Vincent detests other people interfering with his system.)

It is very hard for them to control the alters. My husband has pretty goodn control, except for a couple of times. He has s fantastic psychologist that has taught him how to control them. SOme are still stronger then him, Mimic being one of them, but for the most part he stays in. My husband has been aware of all the ones he has now for about 4 years. I have met all of them and can tell you their ages, names and what they are like. I know religious affiliations and political views. We havent been to therapy for quite awhile and none of them really talk about why they are there, which can be frustrating. It is very hard when they do not realize that they are an alter. We had that problem with Tara his 6 year old. That took quite awhile, but now she stays in her room, that we all helped decorate. I think it is horrible when family dont remember, my husband family is very supportive except, his mother (the abuser) side. they think he is possessed by demons. They support me as well which is nice.

Random and bouncy makes total sense. When a lot has happened it becomes hard to sort it all out. I already have plenty to post about that I haven't had the chance to, and chances are. .. that post will be just as bouncy and random as yours - if not more. I am so happy for both of us that you were able to find this group. Dealing with DID as a spouse is probably something no one who isn't doing it can't really understand. As for integration, I am not convinced its possible. I do think knowing why each alter exists and the purpose they serve can help to make their system more function and make it easier for us to function within it. My husband has gotten to the point that he can communicate with two of his four alters at will, and that is incredibly useful. A huge part of the progress we have made is through acceptance of the alters and the functions they serve. I think this as has made Vincent (the alter that has the ability to control the others) feel less threatened and more co-operative. Our goal is to give Trayus more control over the system, without disrespecting it. It is hard to forgive the alters for the damage they have caused, but its important. It is also hard to learn the best way to interact with the alters - we just discovered that one who I had never met before has no idea he is an alter. . . which has me dumbfounded and a little lost. How to I interact with someone who has no idea who I am, why I am around, why I'm protective, and has no idea he is in someone else's body? At the same time, it was only Trayus ability to speak to Vincent that we learned that Lull has no idea he's an alter. <br />
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I feel like I am beginning to ramble, lol. I just wanted to offer my opinion on integration and an alternative to it. Thank you for being open enough to share, and I will try to post again soon. =)