10 Sayings You Know Your Partner With Dissociative Identity Disorder Drives You Crazy About...

1.  "That wasn't me," or " I didn't say that!"
2.  "You like them better than me don't you?"
3.  "How could you not have known it wasn't me!!?"
4.  "Why don't you remember what I like?!"
5.  "Why can't you just ignore all those other people?!"
6.  "I think life would be better for you if you left me alone..."
7.  "You'll just have sex with anyone, huh?!"
8.  "Why don't you just leave me alone to die."
9.  "Why did you let them wear my NEW clothes!!."
10. "Tell them other people I said to GO TO HELL."
DoWop87 DoWop87
10 Responses Aug 12, 2010

Hi everyone,<br />
I have been with my partner for almost 14 years... We are the greatest of friends and I would have to say "SOUL MATES" however, I have not seen the person I fell in love with and who swept me off my feet since 6 weeks after we started living together 13 years ago... He is lost in transition, lost in translation and lost in his fragmented system - to this day, much as I love his other many selves, male, female, boys and girls and incredibly talanted little animanls alike, I still miss my love, I still remember him and still hope that one day he will awaken again.<br />
<br />
Sex does not exist in our relationship... It did in the beginning, and it was great but with my partner being swallowed up in his system and then me realizing I was having sex with a number of alters who were pretendding etc etc, sex became something that had to go.... Life, as such can be lonely but the friendships gained and the life shared with a truly amazing person(s) for the most part makes up for the lack of sexual intimacy.... <br />
<br />
One day this may change, who knows... but until then, I do not any longer waste my time and emotion longing for something that may not ever return.<br />
<br />
I love my partner, he is very high functioning and for the most part he is easy these days.... While he has no memory of our first 6 weeks living together and our great relationship prior to us living together, he loves to hear my stories of how he was and how we were, and he hopes one day to be able to find himself and integratge those memories into our other 13 years of memories together.<br />
<br />
Kind regards<br />
Annie<br />

Two of my husband's alters and himself were the ones who dated me. I know this now not back then. They are the ones who fell in love witn me and married me. My husband at the time was a false front. There were to more false fronts until my husband the one who owns the body came out last year. I know this seems confusing if you havn't reach this point in the healing process. My husband has all the memories of the false fronts before him. They are what make him who he is. <br />
<br />
Anyways the two alters are jealous of each other. My husband was too. They have gotten into fights over me before. Last year another emerged and he is my husband to. My husband now has accepted it more that they are all my husbands. They mostly travel together now. Unless there is a reason for one to be out (that's if something needs to be done). They are all very good at what they do so they may split to do what needs to be done. It is much better since they travel together.<br />
<br />
My sex life is very minimal though. I get hugs and kisses. That's about it. The kids are always out. when it is liesure time. So that pretty much sums that up.

In our house, I cannot imagine knowingly having sex with my husband's alters. It's like a line that isn't crossed. Also, they seem almost like innocent parts, so intimacy in this way just doesn't seem right. <br />
Now, I have to say there is one that is a flirt and direct, but not intimate in that way. <br />
I have to be very careful walking up and just giving my husband hugs. <br />
<br />
Before we knew he had DID, I used to take this personally, thinking it was a reflection on me when he would pull away or be suddenly shy to advances. It is sooo much better knowing, in that regard, although now that like you say "the cat's out of the bag", it is a very different lifestyle. <br />
Before we knew what was going on, 2 years ago they were blocking my husband out and letting him only see parts of our arguments and their actions- they had him convinced that I was crazy and he actually talked more about my struggles with reality with his counselor .. is this DID, or what?! Now, we can laugh, but it was a VERY hard time to go through. He had 2 very destructive influences in his life that have been found out by the everyone for what they were and I have my true integrity back with them.<br />
<br />
We went 22 years being together before we discovered that DID existed and that this is the condition he deals with every day, along with our family.<br />
Now, again, things we took personally, like the extreme mood swings (which we now know what when he was switching), we now can identify and point to one alter(which they hate being called , here) or another. My kids are learning along with us - ages 12 - 20, but each at their own pace and we only let them know what they need or can understand for each person and age, as we are learning. <br />
<br />
It is a total secret, specifically, to all of our family. My husband's alters biggest fear is humiliation or embarrassment, or someone fearing them or looking at them as different. For this, we try to work together to achieve privacy, but this makes it extremely hard. <br />
<br />
I now know all of his alters by name and they are in and out constantly, I even know of the ones that are "gone", one of these we know integrated 2 years ago. One nice thing- my husband no longer wears glasses - who knew he could escape lasik surgery by dealing with his father's death!? just a light joke, but so true and absolutely amazing what the mind is capable of.

C, the more information your partner finds out it is likely that it is going to stir things up in the system. Sometimes there will be nothing you can do - as the person deserves and needs to know some of these things. One alter told me "All of our internal wars had been settled" before Trayus and I got married and I disrupted things. They will have to adjust to your presence. I think it is important to take into account the advice the alters give you when it comes to handling the situation to some extent. They've handled it for a long a time. However - they can have a twisted version of what is best. One alter believes that what would be best for the system is for him to take control and get me out of their life. This is because he doesnt trust me and I've always been a disruption in the system due to the strong emotions I bring out in Trai. It has not been easy for them to adjust to his new life.<br />
<br />
Obviously - I cannot just say "okay, bye" because he thinks that is what is best. <br />
The cat is already out of the bag, but the alter(s) may not let you get recordings if he doesn't want your partner to know the truth. You just have to do the best you can.

that's so funny, and so true. One of mine is so recognisable because she always stresses about whether she's loved as much as the others. She would try and trick our husband into saying 'yes I love you most of all' just to wind up the others in the system, but he wouldn't take the bait. She's 5-7 and she's learning they are all loved equally and differently.

To people without DID it may seem like no big deal. But anyone who has it will tell you that when you start crossing lines like that it's hard to draw any boundaries. To the partner it looks and maybe even sounds like their partner, but to the person with DID their partner is having sex with imaginary people and not him/her. Which as Parsain says, causes jealousness and insecurities. Trust me. I would know.

I see well that sucks.....

Actually, its more likely to cause jealousies and insecurities in your relationship. It's not something to take lightly.

Hey it could be exciting having sex with all the different ppl? Is it?

I've been quite lucky, my husbands alters are all very distinct, which I understand is rare. Tell him that it takes time to learn the differences in the alters, and he has to be patient with you. If he cannot understand how much effort you put fourth, it is going to cause problems.<br />
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It is important to keep a good relationship with the alters. If you let them wear the clothes they want, they are more likely to listen when you say that can't do something else.<br />
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I have some stuff to do, I'll try to help more later.