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The Mystery Never Ends. . .

"It's like a movie and they keep making more and more sequels and they never stop." Quote my husband.

New answers always raise more questions. I always feel a sense of accomplishment when we find something else, but there are always new mysterious to take over my mind. And to try to not obsess over.

We have suspected and confirmed that there are more alters that we know nothing about. We have the name of one, know he was created very early on, that he feels nervous and uneasy, , , I wish I remembered more what Trayus said he felt like. This alter unleashed a memory on Trayus that he desperately needed to forget - so one of his alters made that happen. So he doesn't remember feelings this mysterious alter at all. We know there are more than him - at least two. And that Mere knows them the best.

It's always something.
Parsain Parsain 18-21, F 5 Responses Sep 23, 2010

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One of my selves had determination to kill all memories through killing the body. By befriending her we have been able to hear out her experiences and story and progressively she has wanted to come in from the cold and proven she can be trusted and part of a productive system. So even the most threatening can progressively identify with the system once it is given reasonable trust to live up to. But, yes, it was really tough for some who were very nervous of her to say the least.

Hang in there!

The key to healing is being able to deal with the traumas that happened to Trayus and the others. You guys have a long way to go, but you are definately on the right track. I am very supportive of my husband and all the others. Support from someone who loves you and the others unconditionally is what you need most of all. The alters need to feel safe and know that they have someone who they can trust. When they gain this trust, then they will be able to open up and tell you the things that bother them most. Trayus will then be able to put the pieces of his life togeher. My husband and I are a good three years into this healing point and it is proven the more support a DID person has the faster the healing process. Integration was not our goal. However a few of the ones who did'nt come out as often were integrated when my husband's TRUE birth personality came out at age 4 mos and progressed to his adult self. Hand in there. You are definately on the right track.

Reintegration is too risky for Parsain and I at the moment. Currently we are focusing on understanding the alters as opposed to integrating them. Firstly...Several are far too powerful to control let alone integrate, others are just too dangerous to integrate because I cannot afford to take on those pieces of their personalities. With all due respect possible, Integration is not the "all solving" solution everyone makes it out to be. And more than the majority of people with DID never achieve it.

Hang in there! I know that if you're experiencing DID that you've already been through a lot. I hope you're seeing a counselor to help you re-integrate your alters. DID is a form of protection against abuse or harm created by someone in such a precarious position (age, dependence, inability to leave the situation) that creating an alter is the only way you could find to protect yourself. I hurt for you. More importantly, you need someone who can hold out hope for you even when you can't yourself (husband sounds good). Don't give up.