Just Seeing The Whole PictureWell, I have known my husband for almost 10 years, but we have been married for about 3.5. Over this time, I have found myself crazily trying to decipher his changes in what I thought then were moods. I must say this whole realization has come within the last 24 hours, and even typing this right now seems a little surreal.We have always had the same fights and problems throughtout our relationship, but for some reason we have continued to stay to together. He always speaks in puzzles, and I would get so frustrated when he couldn't give me a straight answer. He is very smart with an ability to think about things on a level above anyone else I 've met, but at the same time, there are times when even the simplest social interactions leave him baffled. We smoke quite a bit of weed, and during these times is when I would hear things from him like "I'm crazy", "I've had visions", "I've lived in other universes". I always deep down knew there was an explanation, but I guess I didn't really want to know how deep the trauma and illness ran. I was raised to deal with problems on their surface by a mother that lived and breathed through logic and reason. Frivolity and silliness were unnecessary so as I have dealt with my own problems I have a diagnosable need to be able to explain everything scientifically. My husband (and his alters) have been attempting over the years to convince me that within my husband is an evilness that will at some point destroy the universe.Of course I have always tried to understand the fascination with these thoughts of his, but I would attribute them merely to the amount of science fiction he has watched or the desire to rid the world of the "morons" as he so condescendingly puts. Until recently I had considered him to only have schizoid personality disorder, which explained his often cold nature and some of his grandiose thinking. At last, though, he was able to trust me enough to let me know about his DID. I am not sure how to move forward from here. He has never sought any professional help with this before, and I am not sure that he would be open to that at the present. I have so many questions for him about the alters, but I don't want to set another break like the two I have seen over the last few days. I don't think that he would be able to work and cope with them at this point.
Before all of this came up, I had been talking with him about wanting to have children. I have a child from a previous marriage that lives with us every other week, but I have an immense desire for more children. How have some of you dealt with children in a marriage with DID. I do not want to "cure" him, but I just want us to be able to live as full a life as we can. I know that all of this is just starting, and I apologize as I really think this post has wandered all over the place. I just need an outlet, and I feel so free actually know what is going on.
I solicit any and all info/advice that others have. I have absolutely no experience in dealing with this, although as luck would have it, I am a mental health professional and provide counseling to young people. I have never dealt with DID in either my professional or personal life. THanks in advance for any help. This whole experience has just brought me out of a deep hole of loneliness.
amg1980 31-35 15 Responses 1 Aug 21, 2011