Living Wth Two Individuals Who Both Have Did

As you all know my husband has DID. We are well on our way with therapy and toward the end with one mor to reach.

My husband's niece, A came to live with us less than a year ago. She is 20 years old.  We had suspected she may have an alter. Two days ago she came to me and told me she had cut her hair. She didn't remember doing so and was upset. I told her this would sound crazy, but to deal a min. I looked her in the eyes and asked was there another inside of A. A fell unconsious and a few seconds later B came out. She is very confident. A strong side of A. This is all new to A and although she is knowledgeable of her uncle it is very scary to her. B wants her to face her insecurities. To be strong. A doesn't like the way she feels when B takes over the body. She has complained of migranes since she came to live with us. All I could think is this is one sick child. 

It is believed that DID runs in families. We are pretty certain my husband's dad has it as well and maybe a sister. The thing is A's mother has a different father than my husband does. So if it comes from the dad's side then it doesn't stand true for why A has it. It would have to be from my husband's mother side.

A lot of people don't believe in DID. It is very real and now I am living with a husband and niece who have it. You just have to know what the signs are and what you are looking at. I have seen a couple of people in a public setting and thought to myself that person has DID.

She went to therapy today. I really like her therapist. She only has two years as a liscensed therapist, but she is very knowledgable of DID. I am hoping for a smooth and easy recovery for my niece. I told her she is in good hands and couldn't be in a better place. I feel things happen for a reason. Hince why she came to live with us. We will support her all the way and she will get through this . We'll all get through this together.

LIsa = )

xxxLisaxxx xxxLisaxxx
41-45, F
9 Responses Aug 23, 2011

My niece has four alters total. B- 20 years old, L-12 years old, twins A and A 5 years old.

The ability to dissociate run in families. Not all people can dissociate to the level people with DID do.

It's amazing that you discovered your niece's DID. If it weren't for your experience, she may not have discovered this for years, and that means many years of further suffering. She is very blessed to have you and your husband in her life.<br />
<br />
I didn't know that this runs in families...?

Hi Lisa,<br />
Why am I not surprised regarding your niece. Thank God she is with you and your husband, else it would never have come out and possibly if she was still being abused elsewhere, that abuse would have continued.<br />
<br />
My information and experience is (this past 19 years) is that very often MPD people marry MPD people or MPD families marry into other MPD families... and the dysfucntion and oftentimes abuse continues on from generation to generation and from one branch of the family to another... Often intervention only occurs when one MPD person gets involved with someone who does not have MPD and does not come from an MPD family... With safety and stability, truth and MPD will surface and healing journeys can begin. However, difficulties generally arise when it comes to the family connections because often the main secret is "abuse within the family" followed by the second secret "inside people". To maintain secrecy and stability within the instability of the MPD family(ies) denial and silence and pretending all is OK, is what keeps it all together and under wraps.<br />
<br />
When an outsider enters the equasion, someone who does not dissociate to function, cracks begin to appear and often family energies will abound in getting that non dissociative and non MPD person out of the family. There is that age old saying "secrecy, is the cement that hold ****** firmly in place" and the same thing can apply to MPD "SECRECY, is the cement that holds MPD firmly in place from one generation to the next, one MPD family to the next". And as most support people of anyone with DID/MPD know, it can take quite a while before the truth of what really happened to whom within the MPD alter system and by whom within the family of origin. And even when the truth does come out, it is often met with disbeleif by the victim and a huge amount of denial within the family of origin and by the perpetrator(s). It is all so very complex.<br />
<br />
I am really glad your husband's niece has you and your husband to support her, and that she has a good therapist. She will need a lot of support for she will have much to discover, and most of it will not be pretty. However, with safety in her relationship with you and in her living arrangements, she at least stands a chance of personal recovery and of being able to face the unthinkable as and when it crops us over time and as and when her alter personality(ies) deem she is strong enough to deal with the truth and process it.<br />
<br />
Good luck with all of this and please let me know how things progress for her (and for you, too).<br />
<br />
Love<br />
Annie B<br />

Thanks Milly! I will let her know.

I'm glad she getting things worked out while she is young too. I wish I had realized what was going on with me when I was younger. She has my support and ear if she ever wants to talk to another girl who has grown up with this.<br />
I know how she feels about her hair getting cut. Over the course of 9 years my hair got cut short 3 times. I just remember laying in bed crying wondering "why?" after having my hair lopped off from the middle of my back to just below my chin. Luckily this last time I was asked first and we made the decision together. I at least got to pick the style this time.<br />
<br />
Give her a "keep strong!" from me!<br />

Hi Parsain,<br />
<br />
I told her she was lucky. To get this taken care of while she is young. You are right. Most people are older when it is discovered because as we get older the body starts feeling pains and this triggers alters that were lying dormat. The system falls apart and the madness begins.<br />
<br />
I think her alter B felt comfortable because she saw my husband and how he is accepted. She also plays games and watches movies etc. with one of his teen alters. This drew her out. She was ready and made the statement I am here and you are going to listen when she cut A's hair.<br />
<br />
I am so glad that my husband is stable and has came so far. She is stable at this point and only one has surfaced. B is a helper alter and wants to help A, so this is good. My husband doesn't have any that are suspicious anymore. His system is cooperative now.<br />
<br />
It makes for an interesting time when there are so many I'm sure. Never a dull moment..<br />
<br />
Thanks for commenting. I hope you are well. It's almost time for the baby, right?<br />
<br />
Lisa = )

Also, having two people with DID in the same room can be so intense its hard to imagine living with it 24.7. We do have a friend who has it, and different alters prefer each others company. Both sides transition so many times throughout their visit that it can be incredibly draining. We've even had grand conspiracies planned between alters on both sides that took a great deal of digging to solve. It can get very complicated. There are usually four people in the room. My husband, myself, our friend, and her friend that comes with her. Occasionally we just look at each other and go "There are at least 30 people here right now. How can it not be hectic?"

You should tell your niece how lucky she is to have found this so early on in her life. Me and my husband are only 20, and are often amazed at how much later in life many people so much as discover they have DID, let alone gain any control over it. She is lucky to have someone recognize it and help her through it so early on.